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Thursday, April 19, 2012

It's been awhile

It's been awhile since I've written here. I've been busy, sure. But then I'm always busy. I've been a bit depressed, so much seems out of control. I go to my quiet and meditative spot, my sewing room. That's where I've gone since I was little. Sewing is healing, therapeutic, creative, etc. It is soothing to make something lovely. I've been sewing a lot lately.

I wrestle daily with the bizarre turn of events with my son. I cannot grasp why. I cannot seem to be able to understand. I am left with grief. I hear whispers - it's for your protection from further hurt, he has to work out his own rage and confusion, the grandchildren will return one day.... The pain continues.

Our financial life is bizarre too. I cannot grasp why regarding the slowness, the circuitousness - our own finances seem to stand still or go in circles. I've never experienced anything like it.

Our nation seems to have gone crazy. 16 trillion is bandied about like it is pocket change. Mud slinging is the norm rather than thoughtful dialogue. Solutions seem like foreign entities pushed aside for schoolyard like bickering and name calling.

I guess I'll be sewing a lot for awhile. I'll try to get back here more often though. Maybe between projects I'll come back to touch bases. I guess it's most important because there is a part of me that thinks one day maybe my grandchildren will find me via the internet. Maybe they can get to know me a bit from this blog and my website, even if when they find me I've gone on to the next life. I had hoped for more direct impact on their lives, but I have no power to find them and be with them. I had hoped to teach them to sew and draw and write and love God and everyone as children of God. I had thought that the things I have learned over decades of living and learning could touch them and lift them and maybe save them some dead ends. I had hoped my hugs would fill them with love. I had hoped my humor and creativity would inspire them. I can only hope the time I had with them in the past watered and nurtured some seeds. As Meister Eckhart said - the seed of God is in you. Wherever you are dear ones, I love you and miss you more than ever you can know.