Cleansing

I was thinking this morning of the mountain of inner work I did to cleanse the dreadful things of my past so that they do not infect this moment or distort what I see, say or do in the here and now. I know there is still work to do, and I can see vast distance from where I once was. Tagore, in this morning's reading struck me with this:

Those who have been brought up in a misunderstanding of this world's process not knowing that it is one with themselves through the relationship of knowledge and intelligence, are trained as cowards by a hopeless faith in the ordinance of a destiny darkly dealing blows. They submit without struggle when human rights are denied them, being accustomed to imagine themselves born as outlaws in a world constantly thrusting upon them incomprehensible surprises of accidents.

I can clearly see that it took me a long time to accept that I had rights because I was denied so many, so violently, so unbeautifully early in my life. My courage was aimed at survival not at gaining any rights that might have been mine, but never even entered my head. It was clear from the messages verbally and physically that the dark blows were somehow deserved. I was told what a bad little girl I was countless times, but I did not seem to do anything "bad," so it seems my conclusion was that it was me, I simply was bad.

It took years of reading, thinking, praying, meditating, journaling, taking seminars and a ton of forgiveness before the crushing load of dark blows was evaporated so that I could see clearly. There were many spiritual lessons, of course. There were benefits, such as I could teach and write authentically about forgiveness.

My heart goes out to other children of God who still have such work to do. I weep for those in my own family who have this need, yet are not ready to see and proceed, certainly not able or willing to speak of it.

I suppose we all have some forms of abuse to neutralize so that it has no role in today. Some have a mountain and some a bucket. I have come to know that any speck of it has no place in the heart and soul of one sincerely walking The Way of Christ.

Once again, I call out to our world - let us forgive - let us join together as the human family to create a magnificent life for all upon this earth. Let us love one another.