Sometimes people trying to walk The Way of Christ put impossible restrictions on themselves, supposing, for example, that they are always to be cheerful and shining radiantly. While we walk towards this goal, we need to allow ourselves a bit of slack. It is more important to be authentic than to be phoney-cheerful.
Today I feel moments of sorrow, not solidly, but poignant moments rise up from my heart echoing this day 7 years ago. On that day my family was split apart and there has been the loss of memory-making days for all this time. There is sorrow for what was not allowed to be, for the moments of laughter and tears, for the sharing and caring, for the teaching and learning, for the hugs and kisses that did not get the opportunity to be. Two roads diverged in a yellow wood - and my broken heart watched them walk away - full of anger they were over nonsense, over false assessments. A hole never to be filled was created, for there is love for many, but there is the stifled love for those that cannot reach except in my prayers. There is no going back to recover what could have been. There is no rewind on earth except on VCR's.
My husband was so upset, he had a major eye occlusion and temporarily lost his sight in one eye. His sight was restored by superb doctors, but the broken heart still ticks with a bit of a limp.
Forgiveness practices, God's Love and our love got us through. Today we have many loving people in our lives. It's what it is.
Tomorrow is my husband's birthday. I plan to make it special as I can. I am honored to be preaching on forgiveness- something I surely know a lot about.
Lord, guide me to say the words of healing tomorrow that those who are led to come need to hear to heal the pains in their hearts. I turn over to You the remaining pangs of grief and trails of tears over these 7 years, and know with Joseph -- You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.
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