On the top of my list seems to be the lesson of non-attachment. For 7 years now my son and family have been far away in miles and heart, leaving us in the dust as they run away in anger and misinformation. For 3+ years our assets frozen, the money from our previous house in some suspended place, my decades-long savings locked down, this past 2 weeks off and on my checking account (the tiny bit of liquidity we currently have/had) under attack by hackers and so frozen, expense money for my husband's business hung up for weeks and weeks with no reason given, and trying to buy a Juki sewing machine since March with one cockamamy excuse after the other from the store. Me teaching sewing to children in July at a local store, with the promise of a check in a week to 10 days, but no check as of today. Many, seemingly unrelated things in some state of suspended animation.
Then there is the experience that I am calling "emotional water-boarding." The bank guy says within 24 hours a big portion of our money will be available or next Friday my savings will be free or or or or... but no reality behind the promises. The government making promises, but no action. Always tomorrow or next week, but that passes and passes and passes and passes.
Okay, to the best of my thinking the pattern here is for me/us to learn non-attachment.
Intellectually I seem to understand that our bodies are fluctuating dances of atoms, stardust in motion. I know our bodies are earthly and will stay here, as do all of my "possessions." Jesus told us not to take stock in things that rot, afterall. My essence, my spirit, my soul also is in a dance of change as I grow and expand understanding over the course of this life adventure.
All is change. So what is there to hold onto? God is the only answer I can find. God is always God. Change is in the dimension of incarnation but not in the Ground of Being.
So I read and think and write and contemplate all that is spiritual, that is of God, weeding out the false understandings of others and of myself. God is not the words in a book or a blog, but hints can be in the words. Words can be true or false. People can teach flawed things that become accepted generally. Paul said to test the Spirit. I do my best to do so. I only want to know and teach the Truth. Words seem to be the most effective way to communicate, even that which really cannot be put into words.
The times I have known the Light and seen through the Veil, I cannot tell you in any effective way the immense, expansive, incredible feelings and knowings. I can only tell you I have touched the Infinite, and I know you can too. I know with Teilhard de Chardin that indeed we are spiritual beings having a human experience. We can flow gracefully through this adventure of a human experience or we can grab and grasp onto the set decorations, thinking them the things we want and need. But, they are merely set decorations and will rot. Let us turn to that which is the very Ground of Being.
Oh my dear God, what a chapter in the book of this life it is! These years have been so deeply challenging. Yet, I do feel some things dislodged in me that needed to go and the filling of those spots with You. Help me complete this lesson and move into a more personal space, into our own home. The things in storage I know are things that rot, yet they also are symbols of memories, lessons, history and ideas that have developed over the years. Your weary daughter surrenders. Your Will be done.
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