Sitting at the national day of prayer event this morning, thoughts of events in my lifetime came to mind. Sometimes I bring thoughts on purpose, and sometimes they waft up seemingly on their own accord.
Some of the memories are like pearls. They are shiny, smooth and lovely. I roll them around in my heart and mind as precious treasures. Some are like broken shards of glass. They cut again, just as they once did. Some have their sharp edges worn off by countless prayers and much forgiveness work.
A persistent shard that stabs at me without mercy is a certain estrangement for which I am speechless and in total confusion as to why. I pray that this beloved person will one day actually discover who I am and lay down their strange beliefs about me and cleanse their heart of darkness. It is such an amazing thing to have someone I love have a point of view of me that is 180' from my understanding of myself and that of everyone else I know. I picture that aha moment sometimes, but I am sad for all the times of pearl memories that have been and are being lost forever. I pray this person actually comes to a relationship with Christ and lets go of the cruel version of Christ that rules his delusion. I weep for the angry pain in his heart and pray for Christ to enter there and bring peace and light.
The memories of my life are a sort of private album to look through, ponder and learn from and treasure. No one can fully enter there with me, save God. I am reminded that all I really have though is this now moment. I can look back - did I learn this lesson; is that person okay; have I fully forgiven; etc. etc. etc? But this is the moment I have to live.
So I need to ask myself - am I doing the best I can in the here and now? Am I living in God's Light to the best of my ability? Am I listening and following Guidance? If I were to leave earth today, would I hear "well done good and faithful servant?" I do hope so. I have striven my entire life to do and be the best I can, to model God's Love by the way I live my life, to pick myself up when I fall and to turn again to God.
Thank You, God for being with me always, in the dark twists and turns of the valleys and golden lit mountain tops. I rejoice to know You!