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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Relationship Thoughts

Some have likened aspects of relationship dynamics to a bank account. With every kind word or deed a person makes a deposit in the heart and mind of the other. With every unkindness, intended or perceived, a withdrawal is made. So, the trick, so to speak, is to keep a strong positive balance on accounts with others.

I like this metaphor, and at the same time there are some problems with it. It seems that there are times a minor thing can precipitate a huge withdrawal with some people. Say a person is having a bad week and snaps a bit at someone with whom it is perceived they have a positive balance. Most people will respond with concern for the person having the bad week, offering compassion and allowing a tiny or no withdrawal of positivity. Some however will be some degree of upset from mild to allowing all past deposits to be withdrawn.

There are those who will not tolerate divergent points of view and stomp off and away from those who are not like minded. They take their deposits and leave. I find them fascinating and am not quite certain yet what sets such a mindset.

The question I've been pondering is why the huge difference in withdrawals? What makes some people more compassionate and some more hair trigger types? 

The old saying - all things being equal - comes to mind in that all things are not equal. Some of the variables I am considering are the lifetime (perhaps pre-this lifetime) balance sheets of people. There are some people who have had such a tiny amount of positive deposits that they come to every moment depleted and leery of others. Some seem to deflect positivity, letting it roll off and away. To such a person, even massive kindness may take a long time of repetition to get the balance sheet to move into the positive column. 

Part of the situation is that when we find a depleted person in our lives, we need to guard against allowing the positivity in us to be drained away. When a person is needy, super-sensitive, hair trigger, it is well for our own good to not allow withdrawals from our positivity.

As long as I am able to stay in the awareness that other's reactions are not personal, I can be an observer. From the observer position, it is all very fascinating. From observer I can see patterns, which all people have.

If I fall into resentment, reactivity, judgementalness, etc. then deposits are needlessly withdrawn from me, and I must work to return to my natural state of balance. I realize that it is incumbent upon me to be gatekeeper of my own consciousness.

Ultimately I am responsible for the development of my soul and consciousness while here and will be asked about it when I leave this plane. As my old Zen sensei used to say, WAKE UP! Yes, I must.

Oh Divine One, lead me to indeed wake up in all ways You would have me awaken. Guide me to observe and to refrain from taking the lessons of others personally. Help me to learn the lessons of my own soul and focus upon the consciousness development You have in Mind for me.

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