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Friday, February 19, 2021

Tests and Trials

As they say, into every life some rain must fall. This week, for me it's an infusion of Reclast, accompanied by basically everything on the side effects list. I've been in agony for two days, but it is easing up now. As I look upon my life, there have been sooo many trials in all shapes and sizes, so many moments of terror, so many tears.

I sent our women's group a list of scriptures from The Message translation on love and asked them to pick one to contemplate for a couple of weeks and be ready to discuss at our meeting. I picked for my contemplation Deuteronomy 30:6

God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart and your children's hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, with your whole heart and soul and live, really live.

The idea of calluses seems to me to be a great metaphor. I can see how some of the deep wounds have built a protective shield around me. In some instances, there is a numbness about some issues/people. In some cases, there are like antennas that pop up saying Warning Danger Stay Away, I guess a protection from walking into more wounding. You could call them callouses on my heart.

The dilemma that occurs to me is this, is it in my best interest to get rid of the calluses, or are they my protective shield that help me to continue? Can I be free to love God fully only with the calluses removed? Do I want to remove them? Deep questions for sure.

In the end, life is an art and a balancing act. A bit of protection is good for me. It's not good when overdone and the heart turns to stone. I'm fairly content to be the current version of me. There's more ahead, more trials, more joys. I'm confident I can face the rest of my life lovingly.

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