It's A New Day

Yes, it's a new day. I awoke with some sense of release, relief and renewal.


I am ready to move on.


My turning point has been coaxed by a diverticulitis attack. I think it was partially brought on by the grieving I've been doing for almost 2 years. I am ready to let go and move on. Or maybe today I could say it feels more like the whole thing released itself. 


Some of my new day thoughts include:

• There are some things in life over which we have no control. Other people go off on their own tangential journeys. I cannot learn other people's lessons for them. I am doing well to learn my own lessons.
• In this case, one of the lessons of my life is that others do not have the right to abuse me. It was the norm for a long time. I just quietly went inside and dealt with it, for it was the way of life was for me. It is no longer my way of life. I withdraw permission from abusers to abuse me. All who have done so are jettisoned away from my life. I don't have to fight them, argue with them, convince them otherwise or allow them. They do not belong in my life any longer.
• The main person who has been in my life for a long period of time who has never abused me is my sweet husband. He is a great gift to me. He shows me so much.
• My peace of mind, my peace of life, my spiritual journey is not to be derailed by someone's off the rails choices.
• It is not appropriate to put off the rest of my life waiting for the return of others who are not coming, and if who did return, would bring more abuse. The healing required for abuse to be gone from their behaviors may take more than this lifetime. Sadly, some are filled with cruelty, paranoia, and anger. It is up to them and God and not to me to deal with that.
• Today has never before been lived. I will do my best to live it well. I will recall my "theme song" for my spiritual travels - Isaiah & the song "here I am Lord..."
• So:  Here am I, Lord. Is it I, Lord? 
  I have heard you calling in the night. 
  I will go, Lord, if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart. 

The Change in Education from Then to Now

What it took to get an education in 1895

This is a final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas , USA . It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina, Kansas, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

Final Exam: Salina , KS - 1895 probably for a teacher applicant, who most likely had "only" an 8th grade education.

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph.
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie,''play,' and 'run.'
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time,1 hour 15 minutes)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. Deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. Wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. Coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft.. Long at $20 per metre?
8. Find the bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton , Bell , Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)
[Do we even know what this is??]
1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'U.' (HUH?)
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis-mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane , vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.

No, I don't have all the answers! And I don't think I ever did!

A hypothesis I have is that this is what education looked like before the legislatures and unions took it over.

Have fun with this...pass it on so we're not the only ones who feel stupid!!!

Precious Memories

Sitting at the national day of prayer event this morning, thoughts of events in my lifetime came to mind. Sometimes I bring thoughts on purpose, and sometimes they waft up seemingly on their own accord.

Some of the memories are like pearls. They are shiny, smooth and lovely. I roll them around in my heart and mind as precious treasures. Some are like broken shards of glass. They cut again, just as they once did. Some have their sharp edges worn off by countless prayers and much forgiveness work.

A persistent shard that stabs at me without mercy is a certain estrangement for which I am speechless and in total confusion as to why. I pray that this beloved person will one day actually discover who I am and lay down their strange beliefs about me and cleanse their heart of darkness. It is such an amazing thing to have someone I love have a point of view of me that is 180' from my understanding of myself and that of everyone else I know. I picture that aha moment sometimes, but I am sad for all the times of pearl memories that have been and are being lost forever. I pray this person actually comes to a relationship with Christ and lets go of the cruel version of Christ that rules his delusion. I weep for the angry pain in his heart and pray for Christ to enter there and bring peace and light.

The memories of my life are a sort of private album to look through, ponder and learn from and treasure. No one can fully enter there with me, save God. I am reminded that all I really have though is this now moment. I can look back - did I learn this lesson; is that person okay; have I fully forgiven; etc. etc. etc? But this is the moment I have to live.

So I need to ask myself - am I doing the best I can in the here and now? Am I living in God's Light to the best of my ability? Am I listening and following Guidance? If I were to leave earth today, would I hear "well done good and faithful servant?" I do hope so. I have striven my entire life to do and be the best I can, to model God's Love by the way I live my life, to pick myself up when I fall and to turn again to God.

Thank You, God for being with me always, in the dark twists and turns of the valleys and golden lit mountain tops. I rejoice to know You!

It's been awhile

It's been awhile since I've written here. I've been busy, sure. But then I'm always busy. I've been a bit depressed, so much seems out of control. I go to my quiet and meditative spot, my sewing room. That's where I've gone since I was little. Sewing is healing, therapeutic, creative, etc. It is soothing to make something lovely. I've been sewing a lot lately.


I wrestle daily with the bizarre turn of events with my son. I cannot grasp why. I cannot seem to be able to understand. I am left with grief. I hear whispers - it's for your protection from further hurt, he has to work out his own rage and confusion, the grandchildren will return one day.... The pain continues.


Our financial life is bizarre too. I cannot grasp why regarding the slowness, the circuitousness - our own finances seem to stand still or go in circles. I've never experienced anything like it.


Our nation seems to have gone crazy. 16 trillion is bandied about like it is pocket change. Mud slinging is the norm rather than thoughtful dialogue. Solutions seem like foreign entities pushed aside for schoolyard like bickering and name calling.


I guess I'll be sewing a lot for awhile. I'll try to get back here more often though. Maybe between projects I'll come back to touch bases. I guess it's most important because there is a part of me that thinks one day maybe my grandchildren will find me via the internet. Maybe they can get to know me a bit from this blog and my website, even if when they find me I've gone on to the next life. I had hoped for more direct impact on their lives, but I have no power to find them and be with them. I had hoped to teach them to sew and draw and write and love God and everyone as children of God. I had thought that the things I have learned over decades of living and learning could touch them and lift them and maybe save them some dead ends. I had hoped my hugs would fill them with love. I had hoped my humor and creativity would inspire them. I can only hope the time I had with them in the past watered and nurtured some seeds. As Meister Eckhart said - the seed of God is in you. Wherever you are dear ones, I love you and miss you more than ever you can know.

DNA - Cellular Memory

Last night we watched a new television program that takes people on a journey into their ancestry. The first program was with Martin Sheen. It was fascinating. One thing I want to share here was that on both his Irish & his Spanish sides, that is on both his mother's & his father's sides, he had political activists involved in the 1st Irish revolution & the Spanish uprising against fascism. Martin has been impelled to be involved in activism himself.

This morning I was musing about a thought that maybe part of our lives is influenced by a stream of family imperatives, carried on via DNA or some sort of cellular memory. I only know a little about my ancestry, but it rather made me want to know more.

What do I know. My father's sister was a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution, tracing our family on her mother's side back to 1730 on these shores. To move to the new world in 1730, he must have been quite a pioneer spirit. My father told me that his grandmother was a Free Methodist preacher in a country church, which was of course in a day when women couldn't do that. My great-grandmother on my mother's side was a widow & turned her house into a boarding house to take care of her children & survive, a sort of entrepreneur in her day. My mother's father moved to Pennsylvania from Tennessee to seek his fortune & become an architect, & he succeeded in that. My father was an optimist, telling me, "you can do anything you put your mind to." My mother was a successful businesswoman.  My mother's sister was very creative & appreciative of things creative. On the negative side, my mother's father killed himself with a gun. My father said of my mother, "she's never so happy as when something's wrong," acknowledging her draw to the negative. My father never made his dreams come true, often saying, "when my ship comes in." My aunt never focused her creativity. etc, etc. etc.

So I am a mix of ancestry & experience, as are we all. Maybe what we're to do is accentuate the positive & eliminate the negative, as the song says. That is, as I become aware of leanings in me, I should lift up those that lead to good places & resist those that don't. I see in myself a pioneer spirit in so much of what I have done. I see in myself a strong spiritual calling, I see in myself refusing to be held back because I'm a woman. I see in myself a positive attitude, creativity, survival skills, etc. Those echoes of my ancestors. I need to encourage. I also hear echoes of the negative aspects of those who were my ancestors, which I must minimize & try to eliminate.

Just a thought, what if we are the chance of our family lines to get it right so to speak? What if we are supposed to be the one to end the negative, dark strains in our cells & to send forth to the future the positive strains? Or what if we are only supposed to do that for our particular life because we cannot totally change our cellular memory that is passed on, we can only add to it by what we have become by the time we have children? And then there are the environmental things we do by our modeling & choices that affect our children who internalize some of that to add to their cellular memory.

Such a web we weave & live out & pass on.

Help me Lord to live as You would have me live. Awaken me to see patterns that You would have me reinforce and those that You would ask me to eliminate, whether they come from echoes of the past or from my own choices. Give me the courage and the wisdom to do as You would have me do.

Another Turn In the Road of Life

As 2012 warms itself up, I feel the tinglings of newness in my very soul too.

So much grief, so many challenges, so many obstacles were navigated in 2011. Into the winding path, some sparkling goodness fell too. It was not all a downer. For that matter, in all things there is at least some good, and in the midst of the struggle of mountain climbing through life there are still rainbows and flowers.

It's fun to think of this being the year of the dragon in Chinese mythology, but beyond the fun of myth, there is actual life. It is always the year of God. It is always the year pregnant and bursting with opportunities for all sorts of things from spiritual growth to prosperity to new ideas, etc.

My usually good intuition tells me that some very amazing goodness is on the edge, ready to fall into my life. 2012's surprises will fall more on the side of Light than of darkness. I really do feel it in my bones. I also feel a sense of relief. There are those years that are almost more than one can bear. I've had several of those years, including last year. In the dance of life, in the swinging pendulum, a turn toward the good has happened.

I eagerly watch to see the good God has prepared for me this year -- and for you too. Thank You, God, for this new year and new Light. With open arms, I await.

Aunt Eleanor's Ring - A Bit of Family History

For a long time I have been praying intensely for my son and family who have vanished, for healing, for reconciliation, for truth to be known, to be able to release it all to God, etc, etc etc. I have been grieving anywhere from sobs to lonely tears running down my face. In the past 6 months or so, there have been no sobs but have been many trickles of tears. He did some things that made it clear it does not work for me to be in his life, and he or someone he prodded on did a particularly nasty attack. And he has escalated to his sister with his anger. So somehow I have to accept that he is gone and my beloved grandchildren are gone and his new wife I will not get to know and love.

This morning in the shower, God spoke and gave me a smidgen more of understanding. It involves my mother and her sister, Aunt Eleanor. No one, with the possible exception of me, could upset my mother more than Aunt Eleanor. They were pretty much opposites. Where my mother thought if I laid on the living floor reading the Sunday comics, I had made a total mess of the entire house; Aunt Eleanor sometimes had so much stuff in her home you could only walk through it in a narrow pathway. She was creative, but rarely finished anything. She would make me adorable dresses, but bring them without a hem. Mother grumbled while hemming them. Aunt Eleanor was inspired to begin hundreds of projects and disband them before they were fully explored. So there were the bejeweled piggy banks, some of which we got and some of which stayed undone; there was the knitting machine that only made a few garments; there were piles of projects either forgotten or pushed to the back burner in favor of the latest inspiration. She had discombobulation regarding money too. I remember being awakened in the night and having to sit dozing in the back seat as we drove to Glendale or Eagle Rock or some such place to pay the rent so they wouldn't be thrown out in the street. My parents paid, but did not like doing it.

To me, Aunt Eleanor was fun. She painted my nails red and put my hair up with a thing they used to call the "rat", which was a net covered sausage-looking thing. On the rare occasion when I got to go to her house, I got to stay up late, jump on the bed and have Dr. Pepper and donuts for breakfast. She paid for me to take art lessons and bought me my first textile paints and later oil paints. I loved Aunt Eleanor and cherish the memory of her.

Well, she got breast cancer. It metastasized. Before she was bedridden, she was at my home and took me into the bathroom. I can still see her. She opened a beautiful bag of stunning jewelry. She said she was going to die and wanted me to pick what I wanted to remember her by. I picked a star-burst gold necklace with a diamond in the center. Then she asked me to pick a ring for each of my children but to not give them the rings until they were old enough to appreciate them. So I picked a platinum, diamond and sapphire ring for my son and a gold and diamond ring for my daughter. It was a very tender, joyful and also sad day.

I must inject into this story that for whatever reason, yet to be understood, my mother worked tirelessly to turn my children against me. This comes to play in this insight, so stay with me.

1976 was really, really, really a hard year. My beloved Aunt Eleanor lay bed fast, down to just a skeleton, and passed on in October. Oh how my heart hurt. Then in November our dog died, my first dog, my children's first dog. Double sad. Then on Christmas my husband had an aneurysm in his brain and I became a widow. Deep sadness. A year that was on the edge of too much to bear.

In 1978 my son went off to college. I had showed him the ring and told him I would hold it for him until he wanted it or needed it. We both thought maybe one day it would be an engagement ring. To me it was a very sentimental piece. Well, my dear mother, began calling my son and telling him that I had sold Aunt Eleanor's ring. He would call me angry and accusatory (he always believed her for some reason). I would tell him I did not and would not sell it. When he'd be home for vacations, I would show him the ring. This scenario repeated numerous times. Finally, I got so tired of it, I gave him the ring, which he eventually sold, to my sorrow. I don't know, I have a thing about family history and sentimental things.

So fast forward through many variations of this story, and a bit over a year and a half ago he once again accused me of taking something that was his. He refused to listen to what really happened. A year and a half ago he shunned us and told us he was done with us. Six or seven months ago he vanished.

The story of Aunt Eleanor's ring seems to be a myth (something that never happened but is always going on) that defines our relationship. I guess the seeds my mother planted in his subconscious win out.

I find myself quite confused as well as sad. But, I do see that this is a larger version of the same story "you sold Aunt Eleanor's ring." I don't know why we have to live out this myth over and over again. I don't know at this moment how to stop it or if it can be stopped. I only know I didn't sell the ring and have been accused of this and similar things a hundred times or more by someone I love so very much.

Dear God, thank You for this insight. Now I ask You to show me what I am to do with it. Bring the Light of Your Clarity upon us. If it be possible, if it be Your Will, help this myth to end and cease to define us. Set us free from the false shadows of the past. I trust that Your Good will come out of this in this life or the next.