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Wednesday, October 26, 2011


The month is whirling by. The year is on hyperspeed. I have a theory about the relativity of time. Einstein said all is relative to the reference point. So here I am at 71 & so a day or a week are a small part of all of those years. When I was 5, a day or a week were a larger portion of those 5 years -- so they seemed longer then than they do now.

In the speeded up life I now live, each moment is even more precious & important to live well. It all goes by so quickly that I have to stay focused to be fully present so as not to miss the gift present in each moment.

I'd like to live the rest of my life without regrets -- I came to that conclusion quite a few years ago. But what I find is now the regrets I suffer are mostly from the actions of others. I have missed some precious moments as they whizzed by because of choices of others to be absent from my life. The heart ache is a different one from the one caused by more direct regrets, but it is still heart ache. The frustration inherent is different too. When the heart ache is from the choices of others, & there is nothing I can do, I feel a certain helplessness. 

Now helplessness is not usual for me. I usually can find something to do or say to move a situation. I am a doer by nature. I am not only an observer of life; I am a person who participates. When someone vanishes from my life, the helplessness is very strange & also very painful. I cannot do what I am good at. I cannot take action.

A significant part of my life has disappeared. They are gone to some unknown place doing some unknown things. They are out of my reach. I have done all I can think of doing, short of hiring a private eye. The only place they are not out of reach is my prayers.

If those who have gone, ever read this, please know I have never stopped loving you for a moment. You are constantly in my heart. The tears that fill my eyes are longings for you. The choice I have is to release you to God over & over again. There seems nothing more for me to do. 

I regret the memories we won't be making & haven't made this past year or so. I pray you are making other happy memories wherever you are.

Dear God, I am thankful to know that You are everywhere, always. You are where my loved ones are. Surround them with Your Light & Love. Protect them. Guide them. Heal them. If it is Your will, bring them back to me.

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