Fundamentalism

From time to time I find myself in dialogue with those who call themselves "fundamentalists." I disagree with their self-proclaimed title. In Christianity, our founder is Jesus Christ. He taught & lived oneness with God, love, faith, forgiveness, caring for all others, etc. He asked us to think things through & not just accept what's told to us -- example when he healed on the sabbath, modeling there's nothing wrong with that even though it was thought to be wrong in His day. He showed us the way. He asked us to live such a life, to follow Him, to do as He did, to do even greater things. Such a life, exhibiting such qualities, in my opinion, would be a fundamentally Christian life.

I do have a lot of issues with the groups who are self-described fundamentalists, but do not try to live as Jesus did & asked us to do. Some focus on fear, which is the opposite of faith, etc. Some are more focused in the Old Testament which is very ancient & has some odd beliefs from the vantage point of today. Many pick & choose from the Old Testament --- polygamy, sacrifices, etc. are not okay, but other things are. Some are followers (perhaps without knowing it) of Darby, a defrocked Anglican priest in the late 1800's who introduced new ideas such as the rapture that had never been part of any Christian or Jewish theology prior to him. Some make the Bible an idol, rather than a holy book that tells us how the understanding of God developed in the Hebrew people & can help us develop our understanding & relationship too. Many of the new denominations have pastors who are uneducated as to the languages of the Bible, the historical context of the various peoples, the idioms of the Bible, the various ways words could be translated, the new archeology, the finds of scrolls that shed new light understanding on the Bible, etc. If my mind is made up, closed, already smug in knowing it all, it is very hard for God to speak to me. These are some of my concerns with the so-called fundamentalists who do not stand on the fundamentals of Jesus.

A quest for the truth requires exploration. I believe God is infinite, so there is no way a finite human can know all about God. We only touch the edges. If anyone claims to know the whole truth, I want to run the opposite direction for they are either deluded or a liar. As I walk through the valley of earth, I can only see a little. I keep walking, open to see more, for God to reveal more. Yet I know I can never know all there is to know.

His Peace

It has been a tumultuous time in our lives as well as for our country and the world. I was sorely in need of peace. As I read the story in John about the locked room & Thomas who became known as "doubting Thomas," I was struck by the first words Jesus said when he appeared in the locked room, "Peace be with you." 


I cannot tell you how much I needed to have Him say that to me this week. It penetrated deeply. In the silence following the reading, I had an experience of "Peace be with you" being said to me by Him. New interior doors opened in me. I had a bit of a paradigm shift.


This experience inspired me to write the Sunday prayer for church that follows. (The church part is in reference to the changing of our pastor as one retires & another comes.) I hope He speaks to you today too.

When Jesus appeared in the locked room, His first words, "Peace be with you," ring out to us today. Jesus enters our locked hearts & says, "Peace be with you."
 

Lord, I turn to You & unlock my inner doors.I welcome Your peace to rush in. I stand in this moment fully open to You & Your profound peace.

Into Your peace I place the ups & downs of my life. As I lift them to You, I see them in a new way. My eyes open to a larger context. I am lifted out of the limited view of the valley into Your full view. This larger understanding brings its own peace also.

Help me to open myself & align myself so fully to You that I am able to live in Your peace. Help our church open itself & align itself so fully to You that we as a spiritual community are able to live in Your peace. We open to welcome Your depth of understanding as our church moves into its new life. Lead the changes unfolding in our church, Lord, in the direction You would have them go.

What joy floods my soul! I know You are with us offering Your peace. I know the words & the heart of this prayer have been heard & this prayer is now in Your hands. Thank You! I let go as I welcome Your perfect work in & through us. I seal this in faith as I say, Amen, Amen & Amen

Easter Is Coming

As I write this, Holy Week has begun. We celebrated Palm Sunday yesterday, recreating the triumphant entrance into Jerusalem. I couldn't help but think of so many times in life we enter into something with that joyousness only to discover the the destination was somewhere quite different.

Jesus, of course, knew the path he had before him. Sometimes I think we know too, at least with a nagging feeling at the back of the mind. How many times have we said something like, "I knew I shouldn't have done that!"? There is a place in us that knows, but we don't always honor that place by listening carefully.

Jesus knew & knew that he knew. He was fully conscious of the drama unfolding, its destination & ultimate revelations. He was fully about His Father's business.

Last week in preparation for Centering Prayer, we did lectio divina based on the Lazarus story which we read 3 separate times. The lines loosen him & let him go, echoed inside of me as I closed my eyes for our 20 minutes of silence. We are supposed to be still, releasing all thoughts during those 20 minutes, but I had an overwhelming experience that could not be dismissed.

As I closed my eyes, contemplating loosen him & let him go, I found myself in the center of a hurricane, but I was not alone. Jesus stood with me. I had a deep, powerful, freeing experience of all that had gone before & all about to come whirling around, but in the center there we were in total calm. I loosened & let go not only dramas in my life, but dramas on the planet, from family matters to the bubonic plague, it was all loosened & whirling away. Jesus, radiating light, embraced me & I felt our oneness, His deep love, His healing power & the entering into a new life free of what was.

I do not know how to put into the constraints of language the full impact of these moments with Jesus. It inspired a prayer I wrote for Sunday. I'll just put it here, & maybe you can feel it too.

Jesus, I see you standing calm in the midst of the whirling activities of Your Passion. Dramatic events unfurl around You, yet you are unmoved.

I see You also standing with me in the center of that whirls around me. Your calming touch moves me to the center with you. The world is doing what it is doing, but You stand with me in the midst of it all. We are One. I feel Your embrace, & I am comforted.

You told us Your peace is not of this world, & now I understand. How glorious it is to know & experience this peace.

I also see our church in the center with You, standing with You, teaching Your Peace & Love. The outer of life may move this way or that, yet You stand in the center, not caught up in the dance of the outer, & we stand with You.

I ask that You open in us a deep understanding so that we may more fully walk our lives aware that no matter where life takes us, we are with You in the center.

Thank You for hearing our prayer. Thank You for always being with us. Thank You for patiently waiting for us to come to You. We ask that this prayer be answered in Your perfect way, in Your perfect time. We lift this to the Father, asking all of this in Your name. We seal it in faith by saying Amen, Amen & Amen

The Idea of Master

As I was falling asleep, these ideas began wafting through my mind. This morning it occurred to me that it would be interesting to share.

If I wanted to be a great artist, it would behoove me to apprentice myself to a master artist. If I could go anywhere in time I might choose Rembrandt, Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, Renoir or any number of other masters of art.

If I wanted to be a great musician and composer, it would behoove me to apprentice myself to a master musician such as Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Handel, Tchaikovsky or other great master musicians,

So, I want to be awake spiritually. to whom do I apprentice myself? Who would be my master? As I've said before, there is only one place to go. There is only one person who lived with no wall between Him and God, who was so at one He called God, papa. There is only one who lived a life that showed us how God wants us to live by word and example.

I apprentice myself to my Master, Christ. I learn all I can from Him so that I can do as He did by following Him. I study His life. I practice His teachings. I fall down; He helps me pick myself up. I make mistakes; He forgives me and teaches me what would be a better choice. He is present in my life in a way an earthly master teacher could never be.

He asked me to do as He did and to do even greater things. I'm starting with trying to do as He did, with little hope that in this life I can do greater things. I am willing to try and to do the best I can in each moment. With His help, this life I lead will glorify God in many little ways.

For His Sake, I pledge to do my best.

This is the day the Lord has made. None other can make a day, that's for sure.

In this day, God, I will do my best, with Your help, to live a Christly life. Your Son, my Brother, has shown me what that means. Help me to be alert and conscious of all that I do so that I can shift back to Christ whenever I begin to err.

I give myself, my life, my energies to Your work. I know there are many ways to live a spiritual life, show me the way you wish me to walk. Keep me close. Help me to do my best each moment.

In the name of Christ, I seal this with faith by saying, Amen, Amen & Amen

Holy Christmas

It's Christmas Day here today - the day we celebrate Jesus' birth, even though we don't know exactly when it was. The historic day is not the point. The point is, whatever day it was, there was a day when God became visible via Jesus & his life.

People had long, maybe always, speculated about God, prophecized about God, prayed to God, did various practices said to lead to God, but had not seen God. Now God was visible. People could look into the eyes & life of Jesus Christ & know God.

By his life, by his choices, by the way he walked on earth & by his teachings, humans became privy to the mystical knowledge about the nature of God. We have seen through the veil. We know what it is God wants from us.

What is that? God wants us to receive the great Love He has for us, to Love Him & each other, to forgive, to give, to live a life that glorifies God, to put our spiritual life first, to be the people we are called to be. We must forsake hate, ugliness, meanness, attack, & darkness of all kinds. By being the people who follow Jesus by living as he lived, we then participate in bringing the Kingdom of Heaven into earth.

It is simple, but as we have seen, it is not easy. Perhaps it has been rejected as a way of life by so many because it is so simple, yet difficult. I wonder how each of us could follow in The Great Example, to be "little Christs" as some have said??? What would it take for us to turn to the Light & turn our lives & our planet around??? I know with every fiber of my being that we could do it - it IS possible. But as stubborn humans, we keep turning to darkness, away from The Light. Maybe we could give God a gift back by turning to live as He showed us.

Maybe we could say this year, Merry Christmas, God. Here I am. I give You my life. Lead me to live it as Jesus taught us to live, the way You want us to live.

Father, thank You for becoming visible for our sake. Open every part of us to see You in the life of Jesus & to become followers of Jesus' way to live. Lift us out of darkness & into Your Light. Heal us of our fascination with the way that leads opposite of The Great Example You gave us. Help us know that this is the most important gift ever given, & help us to fully receive Your Gift today. In the sacredness of this day, we seal this prayer in the name of Christ with the ancient seal of faith, Amen, Amen & Amen!

Christmas Thoughts

Christmas is a time for me/us to take the Christmas Story personally as well as theologically, historically & any other way we might take it. Back when I was a pastor, on Christmas Eve I would often speak on this theme. So, how can we take it personally?

The Christ Child is calling out to be born in the cradle of our hearts, in the stable of our lives surrounded by the various & sundry characters that populate our lives. Paul told us that the Christ in you is your hope for glory.

The Christ Child as a separate being is an interesting story, a curious event, something from a long, long time ago with various meanings depending on one's interpretation. Look at all the groups claiming to be Christian, each with variations of the Christian message.

But, the Christ Child born in us today is filled with vitality, impulsion to do & be as He would have us be, breathlessly divine, a current revelation, here & now. Christ alive in us is not a dusty artifact. It is the life we lead.

We take communion & take in the bread & wine as a symbol of Christ entering us, or some say as the actual act of Christ entering us. Yet how many of us are awake to the actual Christ actually coming in to us, to live in us, to guide us, to participate intimately in our lives?

What would our lives be like, how would we speak, how would we act if we were awake to Christ being born in us? What would our world be like if all/even most Christians actually experienced the birth of Christ in the manger of their hearts, in the stable of their lives? Can you imagine?

God, we thank You for a dawning awareness glistening on the edges of our lives. We come to this holy time of year in a new way. We lift up our hearts to offer them to Christ as a birthplace. We offer our lives as a stable for this most incredibly precious event. We willingly come to quench the yearning of our hearts for Your birth in us, for the life we would lead as Your offspring. Here we are Lord. Your will be done in us. We ask in Christ's name & for His sake, Amen

Being a Christian

I saw/listened to C.S. lewis' stepson on TV yesterday. One of the things he said has been as if stuck to my mind ever since, & my mind has been turning it over & considering many things.

He was asked why he was a Christian. His answer went something like this - Because there is no where else to go. There is no alternative. There is  no substitute.

Now these statements seem rather simple, yet deeply profound at the same time. Jesus stands out in history as one of a kind at all levels. Who else taught & modeled love, forgiveness, oneness with God & peace? Who else was so purely who he was that knowing him was knowing God? Who else inspired great mystics who endeavored to live as he taught & become Christed, (the Christ in you, the hope of glory)? Who else inspired vast quantities of inspirational music, literature & art? Who else challenged everyone to do greater things than he did? Who else was modest & asked not to be given the credit, but to give all glory to God for all he did? Look at all he did & all he was & see divinity. Who in all of known history comes even close to him? Indeed, there is no where else to go.

I agree, there IS no where else to go, at least no where that makes any sense at all. So, what stands in the way of the whole world being Christian since there is no where else to go? Maybe it is some of the people who say they are Christian but in no way live as He lived. Not endeavoring to be the loving, forgiving, reaching out to all, shining light of God he was, but instead being judgmental, arrogant, exclusive, ugly, superstitious, etc. really turns people off. Who would want to be that, if that is what Christian is?

Maybe it is just that many live unexamined lives, giving little thought to the spiritual. Maybe some are just following without question in the path of their ancestors. Perhaps there are many "reasons" for not following in the Way of Jesus.

Ultimately, if each person truly lived as followers of Jesus' Way, the world would be healed. We would actually create the kingdom of heaven on earth. Love & forgiveness would be the rule. To God would be the glory. What other way would lead to this outcome? Imagine if some alternative actually was adopted by all? What would be the outcome of other paths? None of them leads to love & peace as the Way of Jesus does.


I think if more of us truly lived to the best of our ability the kind of life Jesus modeled for us, just by the way we walked our lives, we would draw to us the weary souls who have searched elsewhere but not found that for which they looked. The only place to go is to the Christian Way of life, the one Jesus lived & modeled.

Lord, lead us to live as you ask us to live. Help us to be shining lights. Help us spread Your Way by being Your Way. Help us let go of those things we think or do that do not lead us & others home to God. Lift us to be the persons we are called to be. We ask this in Your name, Amen.

The Eucharist

On the plane back, I was musing about the Eucharist and what it means and what it means to me personally.

I was thinking about how the blood was thought to be the life force of the person in olden days, even in the animals - they bled the animals before eating to make them kosher, edible. Of course there was more to kosher than that, but that was part of it.

One way to look at taking the wine in communion is that I am taking in the life force of Christ. It is mingling and becoming part of the very fabric of me. I become part of Christ's life force. I am to carry on His work to best of my ability.

One way to look at taking the bread is that I am taking in the substance of Christ so that it becomes part of me and I part of the body of Christ. My body becomes part of His body.

Thinking of this, I feel a great many of things. I feel responsibility to show up more fully as Christ's light and love in this world. I feel very humble. I feel love.

I am pretty clear there is more for me to do here on earth. I want what I do to be done in such a way that it points to God. Jesus always gave God the credit, not taking it for himself. Jesus shows us the way to God, the way to live, the way to transparently shine God's light into this world. I shall endeavor to more fully follow the ultimate way set down for us.

Father, lead us to live as You would have us live and be as You would have us be. As we become more and more awake to being part of the body of Christ, help our thoughts, words and actions give homage to that honor. Help us shine the Light into our lives. Help us be the persons You had in mind when You created us. We surrender into You. In the name of Christ we seal this in faith as we say, Amen.

What Group Are You In?

In groups - out groups - my groups - other groups - right groups - wrong groups. Life is so interesting. It seems for many of us it is important to divide into two or so groups. The one we define ourselves in is the correct one; everyone not in our group is evil and must be converted to our group, or eradicated or at least shut up. It seems that many people think in extremes rather in more complex thoughts. Very few, if any, things can be explained in simple yes or no terms. Deep thinkers are needed to even approach something like the truth.

We see this in the worlds of religion, politics, science, family, and you name a world. There is currently a "religious" group attempting to take over the world and kill everyone not in agreement with them. I wonder how anyone could believe in such a violent god??? How could anyone rationalize away the taking of human lives in the name of a violent religion??? How could anyone actually believe killing is a ticket to heaven??? Can such insanity really be sold so effectively that it is believed???

It may be because I look through the eyes of a Christian, maybe not a traditional one, but very Christian nevertheless. My Christianity takes the teachings of Jesus seriously and as guides for living the kind of life that is in harmony with God & what God had in mind for us when we were created. My Christianity leads me to deep times of communion with God, to moments of inspiration, to the courage to stretch beyond what I ever thought I could do, to conversations with Jesus, to living with the Holy Spirit, etc. My Christianity assures me that God, being Love, urges us, made in His image, to likewise live in as loving and forgiving a manner as possible. Jesus modeled for us, his siblings, a life of listening to God, following God, loving, healing, forgiving and sacrifice. No where did he indicate violence as a pathway to God.

Thinking of God as Creator, & us created by God in the image of God --- we too are creators. Sure, we don't create universes or even a ladybug. But, we do create. I create writings, quilts, garments, paintings & lots of things including my life, & I participated in creating my children. I would not appreciate someone who doesn't like something I created in destroying it. I don't destroy the creations of others that I might not like or understand. From time to time I've stood in museums or art galleries & wondered what on earth inspired the artist to create such a mess & then call it art, but I never considered destroying it. I imagine God is not on the side of those destroying others, who are also His creations. The way to the Heart of God cannot be to harm the very beings God created.

If the violent way is followed, what kind of a world will we end up with? If Jesus' way is followed, what kind of a world would we end up with? Gandhi said something like --- if we follow the eye for an eye way, we end up with the whole world blind. How dumb are we to not understand this?

Yes, I am aware that often in the course of history, Christianity has done very unChristian things. Power and greed led the way. But that does not invalidate following the way laid out before us. Just because others failed, and are failing today, does not mean we should give up. The actual teachings of Jesus seem to not have been tried very consistently. Even now, groups that call themselves Christian point their arrogant fingers at other groups of Christians & denounce them as not Christian - not in the "right" group. In each group, there are people sincerely trying to follow Jesus and there are others doing their own thing. "Organized" religion seems to have a problem getting into the essence of spirituality and instead often succumbs to religiosity.

If we study the actual history of Christianity, we see that from the beginning there were divergent groups. There were those who said limit it to reform of Judaism. There were those who said take it to the world, & by the way forget circumcision as a requirement. There were those who said a person in the right frame of mind can directly know the truth. There were those who said only the leaders can know the truth. There were those that said eating kosher was obviously the way, while others said no way. There were those who said sex was bad & not spiritual & others who said it was God given & therefore good. On and on.

It seems to me that the old saying, the devil is in the details, may be right. While some argue endlessly about the details, they miss the point of love, forgiveness, oneness, actually following the path of Jesus, actually living a spiritual life.

I wonder what our lives and our world could be if we followed in THE Footsteps??? I wonder if it is possible. Maybe earth is a remedial planet for very slow souls.

Thoughts on Logos

Logos:
In pre-Socratic philosophy, the principle governing the cosmos, the source of this principle, or human reasoning about the cosmos.

In biblical Judaism, the word of God, which itself has creative power and is God's medium of communication with the human race.

Christianity, in Saint John's Gospel, especially in the prologue (1:1-14), the creative word of God, which is itself God and incarnate in Jesus.

Fr. Charles talked about many things yesterday, one of which was "logos." Thoughts about it kept popping into my mind yesterday, off & on through the night, & then this morning. So, I feel I am led to write a little about it.

Logos, this is the Greek word used in John 1:1. Looking at its roots gives some interesting context. The Greeks thought of it as a principle as well as the source of the principle, so since it's their word, we might consider this a moment. The order in & through the universe is amazing, even in chaos there is a certain order. If there were no underlying, guiding principles, all would collide, collapse, be unreliable, be confusing, etc. The coffee table stays a coffee table & does not suddenly turn into a radish. Sure, eventually it will decay & return to earth to be reformed into something else, but this is done in a principled & orderly way. Yes, I agree, in our dimension there is principle & that principle has a Source.

Judaism is important to our understanding here since the people of the Bible are primarily Jewish, including, of course, Jesus & all of his apostles & most of his followers. In this understanding God's Word is creative, in fact creating all that we know in our universe. This idea is established right in the beginning in Genesis. And God speaks to the people, communicates with them/us. We are not far away from God, but so close we can hear God.

John, then, understands this & tells us that this principle, this creative power, this speaking to us is made personal & infused in flesh in the form of Jesus. Now the understanding of the principle behind all, the creative power of God's Word, the speaking to us are no longer limited to prophets, philosophers & to those so attuned they can hear. Now embodied in a man that can be seen, heard, touched by all is the Logos. God becomes available to the masses. Who & what God is, is there for all. We see love, forgiveness, healing, creativity, wisdom, peace, humility, oneness & so much more before our very eyes. God with us in a new & special way opens doors not opened to humans before this time.

It is interesting to me that such an amazing occurrence is now largely ignored. Santa & the Easter bunny seem more important to the world. Facebook & television take more time from us than spiritual inquiry, prayer, meditation & doing good works. I wonder where this secular busyness will take us as a people. I wonder why we go away into the artificial. I wonder........

Christmas' Thin Spots

It is Christmas time again. This holiday has so much emotion involved with it from memories of Christmases past to family memories made & to be made, to the spiritual dimension for which it is really about.

It's the 21st today, first day of winter! We've already had our family Christmas. Saturday our children & 4 of our grandchildren gathered to share the day, eat good food, exchange gifts & reminisce. It was truly wonderful. We had a lot of fun & loving conversation. It was all a family gathering should be. I feel blessed. Our eldest son & 3 grandchildren will be flying east to have Christmas with their other grandparents. Our daughter will be with her inlaws. Our youngest son & his wife will be back to spend the actual day with us. That will be lovely. We created good memories for the Christmas of 2009.

Probably the worst Christmas was 1976. My husband, father of my children, had an aneuyrsm of the major artery in his brain. He was talking to me & dropped. He was brain dead. On New Year's 1977, we turned off the machines & he passed on to his next life. Many miraculous things happened around all of that. I'll share that one day.

Since we had our whole family time already, it will be interesting to be free to focus on the deeply spiritual meanings of Christmas. Tonight we are having friends for dinner, & then we are going to a performance of "The Messiah" done in the original way that Handel had it done. We will be attending several other things at church too. We probably would have done all of that anyway. The special freedom of time allows me to spend contemplative time around the miracles & meanings of Christmas.

Sunday, Charles spoke of the times when it is thin between heaven & earth, times when we see or hear from another realm. I have certainly had those times & deeply cherish them. I understand that life is so much more than the obvious. God gave us a view of who & what he is through Jesus. I suppose God also got a view of humanity in a new way too through Jesus. For God, the emmanuel experience must have been interesting. For us, it was key to our awakening. We got a major thin spot between heaven & earth. Some people's view of God is so limited. They create God in their own emotionally stinted, mean-spirited image. Jesus told us that God is love & then proceeded to show us that love & how it works. He encouraged us to be that love too. Perhaps in our sincere, authentic, agape love, we help create a thin spot. Living from that love, we are more deeply in alignment & communion with God. There is less between us, keeping us apart.

This Christmas, the gift we could bring to the Christ Child is that authentic love, opening up a thin spot between us. In the cradle of our hearts we birth the Light of the Christ by our lovingness & our faith. I am going to spend some time contemplating this.

Being Christed

Often I think of what Jesus has asked of us. What do I know, or think I know?

I know that when my soul leaves my body, the only thing that I take with me is my consciousness. I saw my husband of long ago leave suddenly from an aneurysm. He left behind all of the things he worked so hard to earn. He also left behind the holes created by him missing important family events due to work & the pains inflicted by his anger. He took with him the scars of anger & rage in the large pockets of unhealed consciousness. It led me to conclude that the most important thing I can do is to live life spiritually & be prepared for my departure by working on myself, on my consciousness.

But how can I do this? As I look back over my life, to be honest, I see a mixed bag, so to speak. I have done many unselfish things. I have served others. I have given much. But, I also have made a huge number of mistakes. It seems to me that the bulk of the worst mistakes have come from the wounds of childhood & early adulthood. By not having a safe haven or safe people to help me work through them, I was thrown into the world to somehow function & work through them by myself. Not knowing what was "normal" behavior, I struggled to find my way.

The saving grace for me came when I was almost 30 & found a new (new to me) kind of church. It was Religious Science, the version of it that saved me, seems no longer to exist by the way. The denomination seemed to have left me & went in a different direction than the one I found in 1969. It is not Christian Science, it is not Scientology, it was not New Age at the time. It grew out of Ralph Waldo Emerson & the American Transcendentalists. It grew alongside the Higher Thought movement in England influenced by their Trine & Troward, touched by Emma Curtis Hopkins, awakened in the Filmores, the Brook Sisters, Emmet Fox, Joel Goldsmith & then Ernest & Fenwicke Holmes who founded Religious Science. Oh there were so many. I cannot possibly mention the thousands of teachers, thinkers & writers in the movement that in general became known as New Thought.

It was often called "Practical Christianity." It was about how to apply Christian principles into one's daily life. It was about discovering how God created things to work & then get in harmony with God's Principles. It was about studying the mystics. It was about embodying Christian principles in one's everyday walk. It was about Oneness. It was wonderful. It was healing me. I was not alone.

I eventually was ordained & served as a senior pastor for many years. However, things shifted. Powers that be decided it was not Christian but more universal. "Everything goes" seemed to be the new motto. It morphed into something other than what I had entered in 1969. In 1994 I left & became independent. I kept searching, wanting to walk more deeply in God.

One of things I have come to believe completely is that we are called to become Christed. The term "Christ" means the anointed one. It may seem like a long way off to be able to be anointed by God & be set free from the shadows of darkness. It is a journey we are all called to make.

Jesus called us brothers & sisters. He told us that the kingdom of God is within. He told us we are the Light of the world. He told us we would do greater things than he did! As we endeavor to lift ourselves out of darkness, confusion & separation feelings, we move ever closer to God's Light. We are all on some part of the path, either walking toward, walking away or sitting down & not moving in the direction of being anointed as God's very own. The Holy Spirit urges us forward, no matter how stubborn we may be (I often say that the Holy Spirit is a terrible nag).

Each day, I look forward to the next step on the path. I ask for God's will & guidance in my life to lead me to waking up spiritually, as fully as is humanly possible. I wish to follow Jesus by being what he called me to be, His sister in God.

What About Jesus?

Over the years, I've had a variety of relationships with Jesus. Before I discuss that, let me share where I am at this moment with Jesus.

I think that God showed up in the form of Jesus to show us what He/She is like so that we don't have to infer from varied writings. What did the life of Jesus show us about God? Some of the things that Jesus shows me are the following.

God cares about us & is involved in our lives. God can heal us. God doesn't desert even the lowliest of us. No one is excluded from the possibility of being in relationship with God. Life is not limited to the earthly body - there is life after death. If we do what Jesus taught us to the best of our abilities, we are saved from ourselves, from darkness, from evil. We are to be part of the body of Christ & live Christed lives. He asked us to do greater things than he did by following his model. Each of us can be a face of God to others, however imperfectly, or we can be a face of evil. Each of us has freewill to make that choice, but it is not a one time choice. It is a choice that can be made at any time & for many of us, it has to be made more than once, maybe a huge number of times. A brief look at the 1st disciple's lives shows us how easy it is to fall away, yet how easily we are welcomed back in love.

As a child, I had a deeply intimate relationship with Jesus. I wore out several New Testaments with my reading & also underlining in colored pencils & pens. I still have one that I won in a Bible reading contest when in Junior High. It is colored with my underlinings, some of which have run due to my tears dropping upon the pages. It sits in olive wood carved hands that we bought in the Olive Wood Factory in Bethlehem a number of years ago.

I started to have a challenge in my relationship with Jesus when I was about 12. We had moved to the East Whittier United Presbyterian Church because my mother was upset with the new Methodist minister who did not believe in hell. (Interesting because by the time she was very old, she deemed herself an atheist! She passed at the age of 93.) The church started out as an old brown church uptown Whittier, but built a new church on 2nd Street in East Whittier. I recall vividly a terrifying sermon one Sunday about how we were all sinners & were going to hell. I sat one afternoon in the sanctuary, looking at the beautiful stained glass window of Jesus. I cried my heart out & asked repeatedly out loud, "Please tell me what I've done wrong. I'll change, really I will. I just don't know what I've done wrong!" No answer came. I was heartbroken & a little wedge was placed in my relationship.

I kept trying to be good. I led our youth group to adopt a Korean War orphan. I rolled bandages for the lepers. I got $5 a week allowance for cooking & cleaning & sent $10 a month to CARE because I heard $5 would feed a family of 4 for a month in Africa. I tried to do everything that Jesus told me to do to the best of my understanding. I was active in church & the youth group. One of my backhanded compliments from my mother many years later was, "You've always been so spiritual, it scares me."

Then I went to college. I read "Man and His Gods" by Homer Smith. I was shocked to read of the development of religions, including my own. I began to wonder if the Presbyterians were telling me the Truth. I was having a painful paradigm shift. I read as much as I could get my hands on.

A big turning point was one day back at the East Whittier United Presbyterian Church, a newly ordained woman said to me, "Marlene you are so spiritual, you should go to Africa to save the people there." It struck me strange, & I said, "You mean some goodhearted woman who is a good mother, good wife, good neighbor is going to hell because she's not a Presbyterian?" She answered, "Yes, isn't that sad?" Something in me rose up with great force, & I answered her, "No, that's crazy!" I walked into the church office & withdrew my membership. My father was aghast. He'd been the church treasurer for years & years. I think things were never quite the same between us after that.

I wandered around for quite a few years, disillusioned. How I traveled spiritually back is far too long to tell today. I'll save that for another day. How about sharing your story too?