Holidays

It's officially Christmas season in our home. We decorated the inside yesterday. We'll hope to do the outside this week-end. The electrician is coming Friday because the outside plugs trip the circuit. Hopefully it will be a simple fix.

So, yesterday we brought all in from the garage & transformed the living room & to a small extent the family room. It was the first time in a very, very long time that no grandchildren were here to enjoy Grandpa's toys, marvel over the nativity scenes, treasure the ornaments of various sizes & ages & of course try to sneak past the watch tree outside without triggering it. Grandpa has a motion & sound activated little tree that sings when you approach. Many a delivery person has almost dropped the package when the tree startled them with loud Christmas music. The game is to tip toe in various patterns to try to avoid setting it off. Occasionally the feat is achieved.

The house looks like Christmas. Some of the joy is not infused into it because the transformation was made just by us. It reminds me that whatever it is, it is not just it, it is the spirit of thing that is entered into. Years ago I learned that the spirit of the thing creates a new essence, & by entering into the spirit of the thing a new experience is created.

For example, if we go to a symphony & spend the time criticizing the way the individual orchestra members look, focusing on the faults, etc. we miss the spirit of the music. But, if we enter into the spirit of the music, we are transported, moved, lifted & restored. So, 2 people could be in the same music hall & have totally different experiences. One could have little experience of the music & not be transported. The other could be immersed in the music & be transported.

While we did our best yesterday to enjoy & be with the joy of the birth of Christ, a bit (maybe a large bit) of the usual energy was absent. It was palpable. It looks the same in there, but it does not feel the same.

As my dear soul sister friend in Russia often says, "Life continues." And so it does.

My beloved heavenly Father, I ask for Your Light to fill this home & us so that we fully enter the joy of this time of year. Help us lift our eyes from that which is missing to that which is always here. Lead us to enter into the spirit of Christmas fully & without reserve. I ask this in the name of Christ & seal this with faith as I say Amen.

The Eucharist

On the plane back, I was musing about the Eucharist and what it means and what it means to me personally.

I was thinking about how the blood was thought to be the life force of the person in olden days, even in the animals - they bled the animals before eating to make them kosher, edible. Of course there was more to kosher than that, but that was part of it.

One way to look at taking the wine in communion is that I am taking in the life force of Christ. It is mingling and becoming part of the very fabric of me. I become part of Christ's life force. I am to carry on His work to best of my ability.

One way to look at taking the bread is that I am taking in the substance of Christ so that it becomes part of me and I part of the body of Christ. My body becomes part of His body.

Thinking of this, I feel a great many of things. I feel responsibility to show up more fully as Christ's light and love in this world. I feel very humble. I feel love.

I am pretty clear there is more for me to do here on earth. I want what I do to be done in such a way that it points to God. Jesus always gave God the credit, not taking it for himself. Jesus shows us the way to God, the way to live, the way to transparently shine God's light into this world. I shall endeavor to more fully follow the ultimate way set down for us.

Father, lead us to live as You would have us live and be as You would have us be. As we become more and more awake to being part of the body of Christ, help our thoughts, words and actions give homage to that honor. Help us shine the Light into our lives. Help us be the persons You had in mind when You created us. We surrender into You. In the name of Christ we seal this in faith as we say, Amen.

Long Time

It's been awhile since I wrote. We've been incredibly busy, then I couldn't get in to the blog to write. Seems like some sort of mix up with emails. Anyway, finally got in this morning. I still don't know how to get the correct email to always show up. I'm working on it. Anyway...

I am filled with Thanksgiving at this wonderful time of year. We spent the week with my husband's family in Kansas City area. It was such a fabulous week! We didn't even have any problems at the airports --- all the news about invasive checks didn't apply for us. Everyone was great all along the way.

This morning I am glowing in the reconnection with family in various forms. We got to be with my sister in law, brother in law and nephew (my deceased husband's family). We hadn't been together in such a long time. My heart was full and overflowing. I wondered why we had not gotten together for so long.

My husband's sister and brother and families were balm to my soul. I feel so blessed for them and the time we spent together. And, we got to be with my husband's mother, which was also special.

Family is a great treasure. It is one worth guarding and protecting. I pray that I will do a better job of that from now on.

In the end, we have memories, then when that fades, we have the development of our souls by what we did and chose in life.

God, help me be a good steward of the remainder of my life. Keep me alive and alert to You and Your Guidance. Give me the strength and courage to walk as You would have me walk. Thank you for hearing my prayer. I let go and welcome Your working in my life. Amen

Variety

I was just pondering the staggering diversity within Christianity. Someone once told me that Hinduism has no core theology that all Hindus must subscribe to. One might be able to say the same thing about the Christian community. The array of churches teach vastly different understandings of the Bible, Jesus, the appropriate Christian life, etc. Each have different requirements of their adherents from celibacy to full embrace of sex; different tenets from "literal" Bible interpretations to more contextual, historical & metaphorical understandings; from Jesus to being the only son of God to Jesus being the son of God just as are others, only different in his fullness of Oneness; from the historical Jesus to the Cosmic Christ; from immersion Baptism to sprinkling; on and on. Just go to any big bookstore & look at the shelves bulging with books from a huge variety of perspectives.

As I look back on the history of our religion, I see that there was diversity from the very beginning. Paul & James disagreed. Apostles went out into the world teaching from their own perspectives. Converts understood & spoke through their cultures & understandings. Disagreements arose between the Trinitarians & the Arians. The Gnostics grew & were opposed. Whoever were in power were the "orthodox" & whoever were out of power were the "heretics," in a seemingly never ending swing from one to the other. One day you were "in" & the next "out" & the next "in," etc.

Yet within the sometimes heated arguments created by such diversity, something amazing lurks. Something amazing compelled the people of the 1st century to give all to tell of the life-changing happenings in their lives when they came in contact with Christ. The first were poor, but after awhile the more wealthy were touched too. Christ quickened within each person the dormant spirituality unfed by any other.

Today's hungry souls reach out to find the touch of Christ too. Far too few find that touch. So many are turned off by churchiosity, religiosity, political messes & immorality, etc. in some of the visible church. The soul cries out. I hear so many people say things like -- Where is the spirituality? I hunger to touch the hem of the garment, to be touched by Christ, but I don't know the way. Who is there to show me?

Sometimes I think God has to find us. The rigormorale that many go through doesn't seem to lead them anywhere except in circles. For me, God found me when I was a child. Jesus became my closest friend. Perhaps what needs to be done is to become available to found. If you are wanting to be found, maybe this little prayer will help.

God of all, I open all of myself to You. I come ready & willing for You to find me. I am available to know Your Presence. I invite Christ into my very depths. Lead me to that life-changing touch of Christ. Lead me to experience what those awakened souls in the 1st century knew by Christ being quickened within them. Hear the collective cry of the humans on earth and send Christ to each heart that hungers. Let this be a time of great spiritual awakening. Thank You for hearing my prayer. I ask this in the name of Jesus Christ & seal it with the ancient seal of faith as I say Amen, Amen & Amen.

Fundamentalist Extremists

In recent days I've been pondering the puzzling life of fundamentalist extremists, the people on the edges of whatever it is they profess. In particular, I've been thinking about Christian fundamentalist extremists.

In fact, I was praying about one particular person who has moved to the extreme edge. From the edge, their position is the only one that is "right." All others need to be condemned and/or shunned. From the edge, a narrow view of life and religion are maintained. They think that they have the only correct understanding of scriptures, traditions and ways of being Christian. They do not explore the great Christian mystics and thinkers of the ages, because they already "know." They don't need to understand the idioms, the historical context or anything else re: the Bible, because somehow they "know." The feel justified in being judgmental of all Christians who are not on the narrow edge with them. Perhaps some are actually fanatical.

For many of them, they are unwitting followers of Darby, the defrocked Anglican Priest of the late 1800's. Darby made up some of the features of extreme fundamentalism such as the rapture & tribulation. The followers today think they are following the old ways, but instead are following the thinking of a rather strange man of a little over 100 years ago.

The shower has historically been a place of insight and inspiration in my life. Sunday morning during my shower, I had a flash of insight re: this puzzling position of some people. They are Pharisee-like Christians. The law, their view, the narrow view -- that is all that matters. Search for deeper understanding is not needed, is indeed repulsive to them. Compassion is only for a select few who agree with them.

I had a vision of Jesus scratching his head over this odd turn of belief about him and his teachings. Instead of following in love, forgiveness, generosity of spirit, healing, giving, peacefulness, the stories of the long ago Pharisees live again in fundamentalist extremism.

God of the ages, God of the universe, God of my heart & soul, today as all days I turn to You. I need Your guidance, comfort & healing hand. Help me to be able to keep rooted in Your ways of Love & not be swayed by the harshness of our world. Lead me to live as You would have me live. Help me to live with courage that is gentle & rooted in Your Lovingness. Open my mind to more & more understanding. Help me to remember that we are all unfolding from various points of awareness, so that I can have compassion for those who seem to be stuck in some place far from Your Love. Help me keep focused on Your Light & follow You always. I ask You all of this in Jesus' name, Amen.

Bonhoeffer

I'm reading a biography on Dietrich Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas. It's fascinating, deep, moving, disturbing, inspirational and more. I didn't know a whole lot about Bonhoeffer's life before reading this book. I had previously read a couple of things, including a book on his lectures on his Christology. If you don't really know who he was, briefly, he was a great leader of Christianity and theological thinking and understanding in Nazi times and was murdered by the Nazis. Apparently he became part of the Valkyrie plot; I'm not to that part of the book just yet.

Anyway, what I wanted to discuss today is a little statement on page 240. Bonhoeffer thought that anything less than obedience to God smacked of "cheap grace." Actions must follow what one believed, else one could not claim to believe it.

This seems to me to lead me to one of my problems with us humans, that is congruence or lack of it. If one believes something, but does not act in line with the supposed belief, can a person really claim to believe that thing?

Say someone says it is the most important thing in their life to be "green" and be environmentally careful. But, let's say, that someone has huge houses, huge cars, private jets, a glamorous life full of travel and use of tons and tons of fuel. Can that person really be said to be an environmentalist?

Or let's say that we claim to be followers of Jesus Christ, working in our lives to live by his example. But we are not typically forgiving, loving, kind, inclusive, praying, meditative, healing children of God. Can we really be said to be followers of Jesus Christ? So, I think we could examine our actions and determine what beliefs they portray. Then we could examine the life of Jesus and determine what we would need to change to follow his example more fully.

Then there is Bonhoeffer's idea that we must be obedient to God. What would that mean in our lives? I think first it would be to follow in the footsteps of Jesus. One of the things he did was to pray and go into silence regularly, listen and then act as a result of the listening he did. I think we need to listen quietly to hear "the wee small voice" so that we can be more able to honor God's guidance by obedience. My experience has been that by regular quiet times in spiritual contemplation, I am more and more able to be guided during my daily life.

To be true to our guidance, we have to at times notice and ignore the opposition of others, not be swayed, but stay true to God. Others may doubt us and our motives, but God knows what is really going on in us and with our relationship to God. Bonhoeffer surely lived this as he stood up to the crazy Nazi nationalization of the church and its work of turning the church away from scripture and Christ.

The challenges I have at this point in my life are not so vast. There are a few, from time to time, who see me in a different light that I see myself, and in the light that God sees me, for God KNOWS. Of course, to be sane, I must consider all attacks and challenges to see what if any truth they might contain. I am only on a spiritual path. I am not an example of arriving at some mythical all-knowing place. I realize that because God is Infinite, I, as a finite person, can never know all. I can never be God. What I can do is look at the highest and best that I know to be my goal, and see how I'm doing living it. Perhaps, if I live this well, I will be able to move a few more steps along the path, see a bit more, learn to live a bit more spiritually attuned, and continue along the path.

I offer forgiveness to those who do not understand. I offer compassion for those who arrogantly believe they know all. I offer prayer for all.

My beloved Father, this day once again I come to You. Help me to hear, listen and act in accordance with Your Will. Give me guidance and courage and vision to live more closely as Christ lived. Lead me another step along the path, closer to You, closer to being who You created me to be. I give thanks to remember You hear me always. Your will be done. Amen

Patterns and Themes in Life

I've not written for awhile. Life has been busy happening around me. I think I'm past the deepest pain of recent traumas and ready to move on, still with a twinge of pain in my heart though.

It seems to me that there are patterns or themes in a person's life that are possibly meant to strengthen the soul for its life's work. These themes have some commonality for all humans, but also are individualized for the person.

As I reflect particularly on some of my patterns/themes, I see that many of them have done their work. That is, they no longer seem to come up as themes to be dealt with. I've learned their lessons or have moved beyond them, or something. But there is one that keeps coming back and back and back ad nauseum.

For example, I once felt inadequate, unworthy and less than others. At some point that fell away, maybe it was resolved. Nowadays I think and feel that I am no better and no worse than the average person. I am unique and one of a kind because God made us each in a certain way, but the way and who of me is just me. It is not about comparison or competition.

The stickler of a theme I would cluster around the word "betrayal." It has stalked me from my earliest memories and remains yet today. There is the caution within that reserves a bit of me, for I do not know who or when will bring the betrayal. It has been a constant, with only slight moments of respite between events. Suddenly a person turns with vehemence and great energy and hatred and focuses on me. Of course, it was often members of my childhood family, who also continued their work until their passing. But there were almost strangers too. There was the man we didn't buy a car from, who became so hatefully obsessed with me, threatening me and other family members that we finally had to get a permanent federal restraining order put on him. It was a very strange time.

The details of the myriad of such events are not important enough to enumerate. However, it is the pattern that interests me. I have always looked for patterns in life, mine and also in the lives of those I've counseled over the years. So, this pattern is in my life. It must have a purpose for my soul's development, for I believe that Paul was right that "all things work together for good for those that are called..." I definitely have been called, loud and clear.
So what could possibly be the purpose of this lesson/theme? I don't know the full answer this day. Part is that God is the only reliable one in life. I am thinking also about the scripture that says something like, "man looks on the outer but God looks at the heart." God is looking at my real motives, my inner responses, my willingness to stay true to what I am called to be, and knows when I am not true. My allegiance has to be to God, no matter what or who is in my life.
But, I wonder why it still hurts so much when someone turns on me. I am still not able to rise above the emotional and physical pain I feel in such times. Should I not be getting stronger and more immune to the slings and arrows of others?

God, what do I need to learn, do, be in order to complete this lesson and become free of it? Please show me the way You would have me walk in these times, and in all times. I wish to be the person You envision that I could be. I listen Lord. Guide me.