Time Management

It's hard to know how to spend the coin of my life, my time. As I accumulate seniority on this planet, I realize, that if you add it all up, I've likely spent years doing nonsense, nonproductive and useless things. I'm not talking about seemingly nothing from an outsider's view - meditation, contemplation, prayer, musing, etc. may look like nothing but are very much something. I'm thinking about too much television, upsets over triviality, estrangements, doing things I really really do not want to do, etc.

So here it is near the end of 2012!!! Wow!!! With dwindling time left to serve on earth, what can I do to waste a lot less of it. I think I might begin by asking myself questions. Fill in the blanks with the activity being considered.

1. Is this _________ something that makes my insides sing and dance and be filled with joy?
2. Is this _________ something I really, really, really want to do?
3. Is this __________ something that helps me be more spiritually awake?
4. Is this __________ something that is helpful, lifting, useful, meaningful, and positive?
5. Would I truthfully name this _______ a waste of my time?
6. Is this ________ in anyway tied to my life's purposes?
7. When I stand before the Divine, when my time here is over, will I be happy to present this _________ as something I gave the coin of my life for?

I am sure you can come up with more questions that speak to you. For me, for now, I came up with the number of completion, 7.

Now, do I have the courage to ask these of myself and then to fearlessly apply them to the remaining moments of my life? It remains to be seen, but I can begin and do my best and see what happens.

In the finite time I have left on earth, oh Divine Master, guide me to see clearly what it is that I spend the coin of my life upon and to choose wisely.

Where It's At Today

This week has been incredibly special for me. For years at major quilt shows, I find myself entranced by the ones by Sharon Schamber. For about 2 years we've had her booked to come to our guild, and this was the week.

Her trunk show at the meeting took our breath away. All of us gasped multiple times by the sheer magnificence of her work. And, many were taken aback by her humility and openness to share all she knows.

Then there were two days of classes. They were more than I had expected. On the first day she taught us her brilliant technique for doing curved seams. I LOVED it. But, the highlight was our spiritual connection and conversation. I treasure the knowing that I have made another deep spiritual friend. She said no wonder I felt attracted to her quilts. I came to understand that my connection to her quilts was the spiritual connection that we ignited in person.

On the second day, she taught us her technique for making feathers with tons of important tips on all sorts of quilting/sewing things. Our spiritual connection deepened. But, my husband was taken ill with a major bout of diverticulitis. He went to the doctor on his own, so all of us who have men in our life understand what a big deal that was. I was not able to be totally at the class as I was so concerned about him. I did learn a lot. He got antibiotics, tests and a follow up appointment with the admonition to go to emergency if he got worse.

I am not certain what happened, cosmically speaking, this week. but I have a strong notion that a turning point happened. I think something new is about to unfold.

Lord of the universes, Lord of the dimensions, Lord of all that is, was and shall be, lead me onward back to You. Unfold in me the secrets You placed to be opened at the time of ripeness. Clear my eyes to see the steps to take into the newness that has left a gentle whiff of itself. I walk forward in the full knowing that You walk every moment with me. Thank You!!!

A Note for My Grandchildren

My beloved grandchildren, I pray that one day you will find my blog and website and books and discover who your grandmother was. I leave a bit so that you can know something about someone who loves you with all of her heart. My DNA is in you, and so part of me lives on in you. The DNA of our ancestors is dancing in you too. It could be interesting to you to find out what influences are at work in you from your family that has gone before you.

It was a deeply painful day when you were taken from my life. It was over a misunderstanding, misinformation and decisions made on this lack of clarity. Even these years later. I can scarcely believe it happened. I hold no anger, for Christ taught us to forgive and to love. I know that such cruelty and rage come from someone who has some inner work to do, so I pray daily for your father. I miss you and weep often. I wonder how you are, where you are and if you think of me.

I pray you express the wondrous gifts that God has placed in you. I pray you have a fabulous life. I pray that joy and love and wisdom and peace walk with you.

If you find this little blog before I leave this life, I hope and pray you will find me and once again we can hug and talk and do loving and happy things together. If not, know that I have joined the cloud of witnesses watching over you. My love is with you always.

God bless you and keep you.
Grandma

Autumn So Many Ways

It is autumn at so many levels. The weather is about to cool. Leaves are about to become jaw-dropping colors. The pace of growth is about to slow, getting ready for the sleep of winter.

The rhythm of our planet is once again being true to itself. The seasons we number 4  rotate regularly into place. It is comforting to know the rhythm and not expect spring when it is autumn. We trust what is to follow. 

There is a rhythm in our lives too. I could say that I am in the autumn of this leg of my eternal life. I know God created me - you -everyone. I know we have eternal souls. Our bodies are like spacesuits our souls wear to navigate earth. Our bodies belong here and will stay here. They are carbon compounds. As they age, they begin to break down. They begin to slow down. My body surely is.

BUT, my soul is not slowing down. It is not subject to earth's rules. My soul quickens and jumps and dances with ever expanding understanding and at the same time ever expanding questions/quests. I feel excitement about what I know and know that I know and even more excitement about what I do not yet know. God, being Infinite in Nature, can never be known fully, for then God would be finite - containable into some sort of box or the other. Right around the corner, maybe today, is the next aha waiting for me. 

One of my main stated goals for this life is to go as far spiritually as I can. In the service of this goal, I have been led to many places, many people, many books, many churches, many ideas. I have sought, considered, discarded, accepted, been saddened by, been exhilarated by and so much more. The journey has not been boring. Sometimes perplexing, sometimes clear - but never boring. I am pretty sure that since this has been a life-long, up until now, pattern that it will continue until my winter of sleep comes, and I (my soul) leave this planet for God only knows what.

In the meantime, I will engage fully in the autumn and all it offers. I accept the gorgeous colors of a fading life and the enrichment to the core of me that comes in autumn time. 

Lord, I know You are here with me in the autumn of my earthly life, just as You have been through every moment of every season. Open my mind, my heart, my very depths to You in every way possible to a person on earth. Help me embrace the colors of my autumn. Help me come to understand what You bring to me to understand. Lead me where You would. Your Will be done now for every millisecond. I turn my life and this prayer over to You. Amen

Sorting Through

Life has such interesting opportunities. All are teachers I think. I strive to discern the lesson each moment comes to bring.

The ultimate goal, for me at least, is spiritual awakening. I am in pretty good shape in prayer, meditation, understanding spiritual principles, reading and discerning. I'm not there yet, as they say, but I am on my way.

Of course, there are others who think their spiritual understanding is superior to mine and might even attack me. But I know what I know. I am confident in my understanding and spiritual relationship with Christ, God and the heavenly hosts. So, I can see what other people present and know that it is where they are, but I am somewhere else. I know what I know. The veil has parted often enough that I am confident in my spiritual understanding.

Sorting through the outer stuff of life and mining the lessons there seems to be my challenge. When I think I see through some outer thing or the other, that upsets someone who thinks they have done the same but came to a different conclusion and their conclusion is right and mine wrong. It is fascinating. Sometimes it is hurtful. The dynamic of attack when someone reaches a different conclusion rather than the persuasion of a better argument confuses me.

As I write our nation is in the throws of a Presidential election. Some dear people are on both sides of it all. Some get angry when they are disagreed with. Some throw personal attacks at the candidates on the other side and on those friends who are on the other side. I find it fascinating. In my view we ought to be on the side of America. We ought to explore to find the facts rather than throw slogans. We ought to want to know the truth rather than protect our points of view. The old, let the chips fall where they may, saying might do us well. What if we are gutterly, emotionally attached to this or that person who is running and blind ourselves to reality that might change our attachment if known? Do we dare as a people to drop our biases? Do we dare to look truth squarely in the eye? I truly hope so.

In the meantime, I must learn the lessons especially from people I care about who so strongly disagree with me they attack me rather than argue the point. I think part of my lesson is to not take it personally. An angry person who fights unfairly via attack rather than debates via valid argument is just exhibiting their consciousness in general. I need to be an observer and not a reactor.

I need to love passionate people, even when they are not nice passionate people. Jesus told us to love unconditionally. That is my marching order so to speak. Hence, the lesson returns to the common mission of all on earth, to the final question we will be asked, "Did you learn how to love?"

Dear, dear Lord, help me to love as You have called us to love - unconditionally, fully, without reserve.

What's Up in August?

It's been awhile since I've written. Lots going on though.

I've been reading Teilhard de Chardin, Cynthia Bourgeault, and others - clarifying, deepening, praying and also writing on my new book - "What On Earth Is Going On?"

We had our 25th anniversary with little fanfare as my husband had some serious health challenges. Hard to believe it's been that long.

Busy at church with assisting, pastoral care and Prayers and Squares. I am so thankful we found St. Stephen's Episcopal Church in Menifee, CA.

Still President of the Quilt Guild and very busy with that. I absolutely love to sew and quilt. I adore fabric. It is an outlet for creativity that feeds my soul. I'm learning to do the quilting myself and getting a bit better at it. I really like that aspect of quilting. It adds another layer of art to the quilt and makes it more my own expression when I do all the layers. I've also begun a series of whimsical quilts. I've completed 4 whimsical quilts at this writing.

Speaking of nourishing my soul, I love the idea in Teilhard that not only the bread of communion, but also all that nourishes the soul is divine, is Christ's own. Something deep in me truly resonates to his thinking on the Cosmic Christ. I also like Matthew Fox's thinking on this.

The grieving is getting bearable most days. I think I've turned the corner of releasing my beloved son and grandchildren to God's care and keeping. I pray for them almost daily as well as for the rest of my family. I am still bewildered over it all and cannot fathom the why of it or the divine of it. Maybe someday all will be clear. In the meantime I have to trust God's working in all of our lives.

I am concerned about the election this year. I am deeply worried about the future of our way of life. I hope people start thinking clearly, checking things out, verifying what is said, etc.

Lord, I come to You this day seeking Your clarity. Guide my understanding. Lead me to walk in Your path as You would have me walk. As I come closer and closer to the end of this earthly journey, lead me to do all You sent me here to do so that I may answer a resounding "Yes" when I come fully to Your Light.

Today is Independence Day

I awoke with this scripture speaking itself to me this morning - "This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it!" 


I am so thankful. No tears this morning. Instead, a message.


This is the 2nd anniversary of the last time I was with my son and grandchildren, the 3 from him. It was such a happy time. We loved and laughed and hugged and enjoyed. We sewed. We did tourist things. We ate. We met his fiancee. We watched fireworks. We were a family.


I have grieved for 2 years, deep agony grief. The 15th of July, 2 years ago, he called and informed us he never wanted anything to do with us again. He divorced his mother! A year ago they disappeared.


I tried to find them. I was concerned. I agonized. I worried. I prayed. I cried rivers of tears. I hurt in deep, deep ways. Betrayal, false accusations, cruelty, paranoia, bizarre, incomprehensible, confusing -- not enough words to describe it. I don't get it????


Nothing worked to ease the pain. A hole in my heart, missing them oh so much. I prayed, yes I prayed. I asked others to pray. 


Then this morning, Independence Day, July 4th, I awoke with the scripture saying itself to me. No tears. Scripture. "This is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it!" 


Thank You, Lord, for You heard my prayer and spoke to me. I rejoice for the gift of another day.