Freedom or Not?

 Epictetus makes interesting points about freedom. One example is a lion caught and in a cage. He is fed and given water and his basic needs are taken care of, but can he said to be free?  What cage or cages do we find ourselves in?

If we think we absolutely require something or someone, we are not free. That someone or something holds us captive. If we get upset and weep and wail, it could be a sign we are captive. 

It seems to me that quite a few people are captive to an unexamined idea adopted from others. Civility seems to be out of style, so it is difficult to have an honest and calm debate about ideas. 

I suggest that, if we get upset over an idea, that is a signal we need to look at all sides.  If we are sure of something, we are calm. A simple example My name is Marlene, I know that without a doubt. If someone calls me say Gertrude or more typically Marilyn, I simply correct them, or just carry on. If someone accuses me f something I am not,, and if I am at peace with who I am, I am able to respond rather than react. I might say something like That's interesting, how did you come to that conclusion? Or I might just ignore it. Their opinion is not putting me in their cage. 

If you value freedom, have the courage to unlock your cages. Cease being controlled by outside influences. Practise responding rather reacting. Think things through What God and you think of you is what matters. 

A Zen Thought

 The one Moon reflects itself wherever there is a sheet of water, And all the moons in the waters are embraced within the one Moon.

 In the 1980's I sat Zen, that is did Zen meditation. Many profound ideas touched me. I share the above idea with you today. 

So imagine with me it is a full moon overhead, and we are near several ponds, buckets, and puddles of water. We look in them and see a reflection of the moon. They are all the same moon. They seem separate, but are of the one moon. 

So it is with God and us. We may appear separate, but the light of God, the same God, is in us all. Our job is to clear ourselves of the debris of anger, hatred, ignorance, fear, ego, and so forth, so that the light of God shines back to God and to all. Let your light so shine that it glorifies your Father in heaven...

Finding Essence

 There is an ancient story of a father teaching a son, who puffed up by his education, thinks he knows all. The father first tells his son to look at a lump of clay and tells him if you know clay, you know all things made of clay. Then the father asks him to pick a particular fruit and to break it open. He sees tiny seeds. The father tells him to break open a seed and asks what he sees.  The son relies that he sees nothing. The father says "Yet there is the essence of the tree."

So too with God, the essence of all, in all. You cannot dissect to find God, you must go within, be still, and let the knowing rise. Be still and know that I am God.

I Just Have to Share This Quote

Though GOD is everywhere present, yet He is only present to thee in the deepest and most central part of thy soul.The natural senses cannot possess God or unite thee to Him; nay, thy inward faculties of understanding, will and memory can only reach after God, but cannot be the place of his habitation in thee. But there is a root or depth of thee from whence all these faculties come forth, as lines from a centre, or as branches from the body of the tree. This depth is called the centre, the fund or bottom of the  soul. This depth is the unity, the eternity—I had almost said the infinity—of thy soul; for it is so infinite that nothing can satisfy it or give it rest but the infinity of God. --- William Law

William Law has been an inspiration to many, including me, and I hope you.  I suggest reading this quote several times, slowly, letting the understanding seep into your soul. Be still with it. Co template it. Write insights. Reread your writing.  

For too long many have relied on those without deep knowing to tell them what to believe. There is the analogy of using our eyes to describe what we see in outer space and convincing others that what is seen is all there us, plus making assumptions based on what is seen with the eyes --- versus looking through a powerful telescope, or better yet traveling into space. What we see hen we look at water gives us no clue it is made up of two gases. We have to farther to know more.

Many who speak about God and spiritual things are repeating what they were taught and join the ranks of those only looking with human eyes.

It seems to me there is a spiritual famine on earth because of this. Open to the More, to experience of the More. Go beyond the surface skim of what the eyes can see. It is a thrilling adventure.  I guarantee it. 

Whose Fault?

remember that nothing else is the cause of our disturbance or loss of tranquility except our own opinion --Epictetus

He goes on to say we have been trained to place blame outside of ourselves from childhood on. A small child trips on a rock, falls, and cries. Epictetus says the nurse (nanny) then blames the rock, Did the naughty rock hurt you? she says, and  on and on it goes. 

Know thyself...  judge not by appearances, but judge righteous judgement... an in examined life is not worth living, --- words of wisdom from across time come to us now. 

It seems to me that part of being in charge of oneself is to examine ourselves, ask ourselves questions. Where did this idea/belief come from? Why do I believe it? What are other views about it?  etc.

I have noticed that it is particularly urgent for us to examine that to which we attach strong emotion lest we join fanatics everywhere and every time who believe in far fetched things or resist new discoveries. Extreme examples often are wrapped up in religious fervor, think Inquisitions, witch hunts, Crusades, etc; or politics, think wars both physical and verbal; or science, think flat earth, Galileo, Copernicus, Darwin. Pick any area and you'll find fanatics.

We don't have to go all the way to those extremes to still be captive to our emotions. Whatever issue gets your blood boiling, pull yourself back from it and explore other ways to see it. Maybe your one-sided view has distorted what is actual and has led you to invest your emotions into a false or partially false position.

So a couple more questions to self: Am I willing to seek Truth? Am I willing to be wrong? Or am I just stubborn and insist everything has to be the way I see it whether or not it is true? Do I have the courage to genuinely ask myself these questions and seek sincere answers? I hope and pray you do!

The Phantom

 I want to share a thought that came to me yesterday. 

It started when I was thinking about a friend whose leg was amputated several years ago. She still feels the phantom leg. 

Then I thought about all if my treasures that Gilbert lost, on purpose it seems - they that keep popping into my mind, and I see them, and my heart grieves they are gone, gone somewhere to some unknown people and places. 

They haunt me. They are my phantom things. I cry less, but my heart still hurts. How long will my phantom things bring me angst?  I keep releasing it all over and over. It occurred to me yesterday that Gilbert wounded me deeply, and talking it through is a sort of peroxide cleansing it so it can heal. I need to find a way to let the wound heal and not reopen it. I hope and pray I'm almost there.

I urge you to heal your wounds too.  Whole, well people are needed. God bless you dear spiritual friend. 

Letting Go

 

And what is this divine law? To keep a man's will, not to claim anything which belongs to others, but to use what is given, and anything that’s not given, not to desire it; and when a thing is taken away, to be ready to let it go immediately, and to be thankful for the time that God gave you use of it.  --- Epictetus

 As I wrestle with letting go of my things, I keep finding thoughts that help me, such as the above quote. I am making strides, and yet this thing or that pops into my mind, and my heart glitches, and a tear rolls down my cheek. Am I to go through the whole inventory, releasing each item? I don't dwell on it, something presents itself, and my mind goes to something related that t treasure still; its not just big and financially valuable things. For example, last week at physical therapy, the therapist had a bracelet of white round beads that he said his father gave him. Up came the little beads with my name on them they put on my ankle in the hospital when I was born. I saw it in its little box, and I teared up. A tiny piece of the betrayal. 

If Gilbert had listened to such wisdom as above, as what Jesus also taught, he would have been a different person. But he didn't listen and he was who he was. 

I do give thanks that for a time I had lovely things, sentimental things, valuable things. I pray to release then, for they are no longer mine. I pray to be free of this pain. 

Yesterday, this little prayer came to me  - Lord, restore me not to how I was, but to how You would have me be. 

Freedom From the Past

 someone who has worry, fear and is inwardly broken in heart, he should use his time better on something else.--- Epictetus

 My oh my, did I ever need to hear this right now. I awoke in a cloud of sadness over the mountain of loss and betrayal left to me by my recently deceased "soulmate." Pictures of what I had collected ran through my mind.  Questions to him, now unanswerable, arose with deep angst. 

I prayed. Help me release all of this to You.  a bible verse came on wings to me, then the little homeless booklet I wrote appeared in my mind. Jesus told us not to store up treasures that moth or rust could take, but treasure spiritual understanding.  My little booklet reminds us that Jesus was homeless too.

Then I gave praise and thanks. I am not technically homeless due to the bountiful love from Anne Unmacht and all of the dear people of Project Touch. My treasures are in my memory, where I can visit them whenever I wish. And I do not have to house them and dust them and take care of them. And the original Peace Pilgrim just came to mind and the first time I got to hear her. She said she was sitting in her house in Pasadena, and she thought, I am working so hard to support my drapes in the manner to which they have become accustomed. She sold everything and began walking across the country for peace. 

No, I'm not walking the country. But if I can finally release it all, I will be free to do what God's got up his sleeve for me for the rest of my life. Maybe finishing my book will put a seal on it.  It's called, "I Wouldn't Believe It Either, If I Hadn't Lived It." I have friends helping me edit it, then I think I need an agent, unless I just decide to upload it to Amazon. Its close to done. I'd like to get it published though. 

Let's all release the baggage of our pasts, and let's move forward to what good awaits us. God bless us all. 

Praise

 Shouldn’t we, when we are digging, ploughing and eating sing this hymn to God? "God is great, he has given us implements with which we will cultivate the earth: God is great, he has given us hands, the power of swallowing, a stomach, imperceptible growth and the power of breathing while we sleep."...If I was an eagle, I would act the part of an eagle: if I were a swan, I would act like a swan. But I’m a rational creature, and I should praise God: this is my work; I do it, I will not desert this post, as long as I’m allowed to keep it; and I encourage you to sign the same song.                   ---Epictetus

I'm rereading Epictetus, and the above quote spoke to me this morning. His concept of  praising God for everything is powerful. Sing a song of praise for everything. Please contemplate the above quote and try to implement it by spending the day praising God God for all things. 

Idea for Today

I'm rereading Epictetus, and this struck me this morning,: "I’m not trying to hinder myself."

For many, if not all of us, we would do well to repeat this to ourselves until we believe it. As far as I can see, most people in fact do hinder themselves in many ways. 

People pull back from being their full magnificence. They say hindering things to themselves in the privacy of their heads. They say demeaning things to others in an attempt to make themselves appear better rather than striving to be their best selves and encouraging others to also be their best selves. 

It us important to become generous hearted. As Paul understood, All have fallen short of the glory of the Lord. Let's strive to be lifters of ourselves cane others.  Let us cease hindering. 

Jesus told us, Love one another as I have loved you.

Fantasy Life

 I had a good cry this morning. Gilbert is front and center this weekend. Thursday it was a year since he had his stroke. Today a tear ago we were told he had stage four peritoneal and appendix cancer. Tomorrow is our anniversary. 

In my tears I had an insight. I entered into his fantasy world, believing him and his stories. It was a fantasy, a delusion  carefully and elaborately constructed. I fell into  his trap, as it seemed a healing balm of calm and peace. But it was not. 

Then I saw most people, most of the time live in a fantasy world, upset by third hand stories controlled by other people, totally engaged fun an array of fleeting outer things --- and missing the miraculous all around and in everything. We put on blinders and binders and miss what's really going on. 

This place, this dimension is a shimmering outpouring of the magnificent Creator. From the physics of the atom and its tiny parts and strange abilities, to the little brown hard speck that becomes a flower, to the two half cells that become a human --- to anything we turn to, there is the miraculous. To the great art and music flowing out of the minds of the artist souls, to the heart of compassion reaching out to others, there is the miraculous. From the giant redwoods to mountaintops to ocean waves, there us the miraculous. To the immense variety of life that is, has been, and is yet to come, there is the miraculous. 

It is a sacred creation, waiting to be read, appreciated, and to lead us home out of the fantasy to the fantastic 

Where is God?

 

He knows God rightly who knows Him everywhere. ---Meister Eckhart

 He makes this point in many ways and many sermons.

He includes all creation in this, even though inanimate objects don't have the ability to realize that God is there, God is nevertheless present. As Creator, God is with all of creation. 

For us humans, Meister Eckhart  urges us to know God is present with us and in us, "The kingdom is within" regardless of circumstances. If we require a peaceful meadow or a church to commune with God, we are not there yet. In the midst of turmoil, noise, darkness, sorrow, God is there too. Our practise is best when we can open ourselves to the Divine Presence at all times, in every situation, and remember there is no spot where God is not.

God of all, God of my soul, help me keep the eye of my life on You. Wash all fear and darkness away. Lead me to be fully spiritually awake in You. Help me hold my life and all life as sacred bearers of Your Light and Love. 

A Great Eckhart Analogy

Meister Eckhart told an analogy that speaks volumes to me. Basically, he said that if you take a basin of water or a mirror out in the sun, the sun will fill them with light. They will not only be filled with sunlight, but also reflect it.  But, they will not be the sun, and the sun is still the sun and not diminished.

So too with the soul and God. God's Light shines there, but God is not diminished and is still everywhere. All is in God and God is in all.

It seems to me that our problem is that our reflecting out God's light can be dimmed or distorted by our choices. Just as my bathroom !mirror meed's to be cleaned so  can see myself clearly, my soul needs to be cleaned of negativity, meanness, lack of integrity and so forth so that the pure Light of God can be reflected out.

It is our responsibility to get the log out of our eye and soul, to borrow an idea from Jesus. It's a life long process. Don't let that be daunting. Each day we strive ever toward the goal of being more and more Christ like.

 

 

Are We Lopsided?

 Many great spiritual thinkers have spoken or written of the essential call to be good stewards. Many people in general these days are alarmed about a wide range of things, and come up with solutions that maybe are not actually solutions.  They have not been thought through.

For some reason, thinking and reasoning are not popular right now. People are into emotional causes. They get worked up about something and then get carried sway.  Letting emotions take the lead rarely works out, for agitation short circuits the cerebral cortex, our ability to reason calmly and logically.

Let's consider some examples historically and currently.

Periodically someone decides the world is coming to its end, and they know when. New Year's Eve 999 people slept in churches. They were assured the world would end at midnight. There have been a fairly large number of predictions of doom and gloom, none of course came true. Some groups are still trying it. Reason would suggest, don't fall for this story. Even Jesus, who was a believer in end times, as were most Jews of his time, said that no one knows the day or hour. 

Let's look at a current example. There is a cry to change how we get energy to power our toys, factories, cars, etc. One idea put forward is to use wind by building huge windmills.  I think no one thought this through. Every year 50,000 or more birds are killed by windmills. I think we need birds. I think we need d to find a way that does no harm. 

I urge us to put on our thinking caps and use them so that we don't destroy life or our planet with tilted, lopsided thinking.

Power Costs a Spiritual Price

 

The obsession with power has completely transformed the life of man and dangerously stunted his concern for beauty and grandeur. We have achieved plenty, but lost quality; we have easy access to pleasure, we forget the meaning of joy. But what is more serious is the fact that man’s worship of power has resurrected the demon of power.…When man looks only at that which is useful, he eventually becomes useless to himself. 

              --Rabbi Heschel

He has insightfully described part of our current dilemma. Humans are tending to run roughshod over each other and our planet. There is greediness of wanting, wanting, wanting, of acquiring, acquiring, acquiring.  There is no time for awe and wonder. There is no place for quiet contemplation. 

We hear politicians hurling ugly names, exaggerations, even outright lies to try to gain more power. We hear clergy disparaging and attacking other understandings, even shunning or attacking those who have a differing viewpoint. We see crazed gunmen shooting to kill because they are maybe a bit unstable, but also because of the atmosphere of hyperbole.  We see countries or terrorist groups trying to annihilate other groups.

Sure there are many good people doing good works. But too many are asleep, which allows the ruffians to run wild.

Are we becoming a useless species? Maybe even a blight? Do we have the courage and wisdom to pull back from the edge?

Heschel gives us many clues as to the way out and up, such as, “within our wonder we become alive to our living in the great fellowship of all beings, we cease to regard things as opportunities to exploit.”

What of Friendship?

 The friend can do for his friend what he cannot do for himself. He can give him counsel in time of difficulty; he can teach him ‘to see himself as others see him’; he can stand by him, when all the world are against him; he can gladden and enlighten him by his presence; he ‘can divide his sorrows,’ he can ‘double his joys;’ he can anticipate his wants. 

                   --- from "The Complete Works of Plato"

 How  many of us have the treasure of such a friendship? I wonder about the so-called modern age. Does its very nature throw up obstacles to deep and abiding relationships? Are we in a frenzied world of information/disinformation overload? Are we occupied with advertising, influencers, alerts on our phones, mountains of emails, the latest podcasts? Are we hyper focused on success? Do we even wedge in moments for prayer, contemplation, spirituality? Where is our focus?

Instead of caring and tending to actual relationships, are our days too filled, too busy?

But then, it occurs to me our first friendship needs to be with ourselves. All those things suggested in the quote from the book on Plato can also apply to our relationship with ourselves. As Jesus and Leviticus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself." I would go so far to say that if you do not love yourself, it is not possible to fully b love your neighbor. That tricky little word "as"tells us a huge truth. I love others as I love myself. I'm hard on myself for this or that reason.  My neighbor does that very thing that upsets me about myself, and I go ballistic.

Jesus gave us a trail of clues to remedy the "as" problem. One was telling us to get the log out of our own eye before trying to get the speck out of our neighbor's eye. Another was not to judge by appearances, but use righteousness judgement. Another was to love one another as he loved you. Look, and you will find a lot more.

Lord, teach me to be a good and true friend for myself, so that I can also be a good and true friend to others. 

Life's Turning Points

 There are those times in our lives that are pivotal. Usually they require a decision - closely related to the word incision, When we make a decision, we cut off other possible choices, A simple example might be - we make a left turn onto Elm St. at 10:22 a.m. That means we can no longer make a decision to make a right turn at 10:22, we cut off that choice. and all that would have gone with it.  Perhaps, if we had turned right something disastrous might have happened, or we might have gotten stuck in a construction zone, or any number of other things. But we turned left along with all that went with that turn.

Yesterday I was honored to participate in a couple's pivot. On Tuesday evenings I lead a Bible Study at the emergency homeless shelter. Two weeks ago I met a middle aged couple who had been together 8  years, but had never married.  They were homeless, but about to move into the transitional shared housing program of the shelter. They wanted to get married. I told them where to get a license, I arranged for them to go to the program's thrift shop to get a nice outfit each, I found a zircon ring in my jewelry because they couldn't afford a ring, I printed out a beautiful commemorate certificate I had made up, I edited my wedding ceremony, etc. One of the ladies who was also in the shelter bought a little cake and  cupcakes for after the ceremony, plus a silk flower bouquet for the bride. My friend found the wedding march on her phone and one of the residents  brought out a little speaker. My friend agreed to be a witness, and the staff person agreed to be the other witness. It was a team effort.

The bride looked radiant as she walked out of the office, down the sidewalk to where the groom and I stood. It all went well, including an enthusiastic kiss at the end, This was a big turning point in their lives. They committed to one another in front of God and witnesses. They made a decision.

I encourage you to think about your decisions. It can be an interesting exercise in taking responsibility for your life.

God bless you one and all,

Moving Forward

 The speed of my overcoming has accelerated. In the not quite 3 months since Gilbert died and I discovered his multiple betrayals, I've gone from frozen in shock, to forcing myself to do a bit each day,to what I'm calling 75% reconstructed.  It feels like I'll make it now.

Prayer and a lot of self-talk all are at the heart of it, along with good counsel from my Pastor and support of friends and family. I still have daily moments when I'm reminded of something, and then remember I don't have that anymore.  I still have imaginary talks with him, What were you thinking? How could you say you loved me, yet take everything of value, or almost everything, away from me? Was all of it a lie? Etc etc etc.

I have my name on a waiting list for an affordable senior  apartment.  Its not what I dreamed of for sure, but it would give me a place to call home and the privacy that would entail.  I might qualify for the two bedroom, so I could have a sewing and art room.

I'm teaching Bible study again at the homeless shelter, and I started leading a spiritual discussion group at the county shelter. I still lead the prayer quilt ministry at church. I'm not doing as much, thank God I have a fantastic team now.

And I started my book on my life. The working title is, "I Wouldn't Believe It Either, If I Hadn't Lived It," So far I have over 70 pages written.  I go back to the beginning. I seem to have been under attack since birth. I need to find an agent to help me get it published. Any prayers for that are really appreciated.

That's my update. God bless you one and all. God bless our planet and everyone upon it.

What Kind of Faith?

 I am reading "Ancient Christianities: The First Five Hundred Years" by Paula Fredriksen. It is an excellent compilation of the history of early Christianity. A lot of  it I already knew, and it is powerful not only to review, but also to have it all togetherin one place. It is definitely worth reading in my estimation.

This morning, during my prayer time, a thought rose up. Yes, there was turmoil, angry fights, even murder and executions within Christianity.  Yes, there were intrigues and ridiculous battles over points of view, some of them seemingly minute. Yes, the development of theology is messy, and in many cases, it ended in theology being made by Imperial fiat. Yes, it shifted the focus away from Jesus and what he taught.

It shifted from having the faith of Jesus to having faith in Jesus be the focus. It stopped trying to be like Jesus to just believing the creeds made up by the Imperial church. It made him something he did not claim to be, at least until later writings such as John made claims for him, putting things on his lips that  no other writer put there.

And yet, I know from my life that there is something not able to be destroyed by the inflated egos of men, by the bouts of power struggles, or by the ugliness done in the name of Jesus. There is something that informs me from the depths, that is here with me, that is more than me. It is in synch with the Jesus before the battles, at least the Jesus of the earliest writing.

I aim to have faith as Jesus taught and modeled - the faith of Jesus, his kind of closeness to God, his lovingness, his kindness, his healing presence. 

Like Moving a Giant Block of Conrete

 In case you get stuck, even depressed, I want to share my recent strategy with you. It's working for me, so I think it might work for you too.

When I discovered the mountain of betrayal, the huge web of lies and fantasy woven by Gilbert, I first went into shock, as you know, if you have been reading bits of it that I began posting on April 14th.

This morning I want to share some of what I did, and am doing to vget though this mess and pain, i've not a person who has had depression, but I think the beginning shock was a kind of depression. I was numb, unable to do usual things, So, I remembered telling so many people over the years that depression is energy turned inward that needed to be turned out - express rather than depress.

It did feel like a giant concrete block that I had to turn. With all of my might I decided to do one thing a day, make one call, fill in one form, make one appointment. Then, in a couple of days, I did two things a day, then three. Now I am at maybe80% of my usual activiies. The giant concrete block is now pretty small.

I also talked it through, out loud ofen. What were you thinking? I loved you so much, and it seems you didn't love me. Why on earth would you get rid of all of the treasures and money? etc.

I also cried and felt the anguish. I remember this or that event in our lives, I femember this or that now lost treasure and what it stands for, but is in someone else's hands now without its meaning, its story.

And I pray. 

Lord, I know Your Presence, for You have lifted and guided me all of the days of my life. Through deep and difficult valleys, through glorous mountain tops, You have been with me. You have spoken to me in whispers and in shouts. You have protected me, so that I am still here and more or less in one piece. Now I ask You for restoration. Restore me. Heal me. Lift me through this valley. Help me release this all to You. Open whatever doors You want me to walk throgh to be of service and to fulfill my purose for coming to earth. And, if possible, restore the soul of Gilbert to the pristine soul You created, washing away all of the darkness. I am thankful, for I know You hear my prayer. I ask it in he name of Christ, and I seal it with the ancient seal of faith and integrity Amen, Amen, and Amen

Life Continues

 Life continues is a saying of a dear friend of mine, when faced with one of life's challenges. It has a lot of layers of meaning. Yes, there is a problem, but I'm still here and can do something, whether it be take  an outward action or an inner one.

You may be wondering, what is an inner action? It could be many internal things. I could pray. I could talk to myself in a different way about whtever it is. I could release it, and just let go.

Let's consider self-talk for a moment. Inside of us we carry on a monologue. Often people say things in the privacy of their heads that they would not likely say outloud. They speak internally judgmental, angry, even hateful things. Of course that kind of internal self-talk can lead to external action that is not spiritual at all, even violent actions a person talks themselves into. As within, so without, is an old addage.

For example, someone pulls in front of you on the freeway. You can thinkthat person did it intentionally to upset you, or that person is rude, or who does that person think they are? or some such thing. You then are upset for while, taking that momentary upset into tyhe future, maybe even telling someone else about later. OR you could think, that person is in a hurry and must be late for something important, or that person was distracted because of some problem intheir life, or that person is a bad driver - and let it go. It no longer is in your thoughts.

These are simple examples. The first example can become serious if that kind of thinking is a pattern. It can become serious. when it is about an actually important issue. It can become violent.

What to do? I think it is essential to be aware of how we represent events in our lives to ourslves. Are we kind and generous-hearted as we talk to ourselves about tnings and people? Do we pretend we can know someone else's motives?  Do we take things personally that are not about us? Even if it is about us, what is the wise way to respond? Do we upset ourselves in such a way we are not acting in a kind, healthy, spiritual way? 

We need to be the caretakers of our own minds. We need to be vigilant. Otherwise we will not be a beneficial presence. We will not grow spiritually. We are the only ones who can align our self-talk with the highest and best. Become a success coach to yourself.

The Target

 Last night, I resumed leading Bible Study at the homeless shelter. It reminded me of the journey of my life with Jesus and God, as I shared what the Sermon on the Mount meant to me. I want to share a bit of it with you.

When I was a child, I had a lot to deal with in overcoming physical and emotional abuse. It seemed to me there must be a key to a better way to live. I read, and read and reread my little New Testament, underlining with colored pencils. Eventually, it was very colorful, rainbow like.

It developed in me that what I needed to do, in order to follow Jesus, was to aim to be like him, and so to listen carefully to what he was remembered to have said by those who wrote about him. It became my goal for my life. Being Christlike was my target When I caught myself straying off target, I did my best to bring myself back and aim again. I learned that, if you don't have a target goal, you wander around aimlessly. It is really imperative to focus our overall objective for our lives.

Back to the Shelter, I teach the Sermon on the Mount in 10 lessons. These things are what Jesus taught us for guidelines on how to behave to be his followers, and, if we succeed, we help create the Kngdom of Heaven here on earth. If everyone followed these things, then we would actually have a planet where there would be peace, plenty, kindness, and God's Kingdom manifest. But, so far humans have not done this.

I urge you to read deeply, listening with your whole being, Matthew 5, 6 & 7. Imagine you are there, hearing him speak these words as if to you. Let them penetrate to your core. 

Now decide what is the target goal for your life? Are you daring enough to actually follow Christ?

Out of the Blue

Out of the blue, all of a sudden, signs of restoration appear. Hopefully they are tidbits fortelling of more good to come. Perhaps around the next corner, more signs will find me. That's the way at least some things work. 

This week, I feel my mind and heart awakening out of the shock and being restored. It is such a relief to begin to feel like myself agin. I am so thankful. The shards are coming together, and it feels so very good. Thank You, God!

Then there was the sorrow of my sewing machines evaoporating from my life with his non-payment of storage and lies about all being absolutely up to date. Then a friend came to me, saying they were moving and downsizing. Would I like her semi-industrial, straight stitch, 1600 stitches a minute Pfaff? Would I!!!! It replaces my Juki 2010 and then some! It's a magnificent machine. I am sooooo very thankful.

Then yesterday, a couple of amazing friends helped me go through boxes in a friend's barn. We had gone through half a week or so ago. Much had to be thrown away due to critters getting in the boxes. They had been there since 2013. We found a few pieces of my Russian jewelry. I was tearful. Then awhile later I heard a shout, I found your jewelry!!! There in a hanging bag with zippered clear plastic pockets was some of my jewelry in the pockets, my real gold and silver jewelry. My heart was pounding. We piut it in the car to go through later, for we had so many boxes yet to go through.,

When we got back to the house, I started to go through it. There were pieces I was cetain had been in the local storage, but there they were. Not all of my jewelry, but a lot. And then from a pocket, I pulled out THE bracelet I had been mourning. The 1905 hand-made, hand hammered links, hand engraved heart, pictures of my grandmother and grandfather inside, and the dent on the heart made by my father's first tooth. Tears filled my eyes. Gratitude swirled in me. This precious artifact was restored to me. It can stay in our family.

Around the next bend, I wonder what the next restoration surprise there will be. As an old friend used to say, I wonder what God has up His sleeve today. My heart is filled with thanksgiving.

So I say to you and to me, never give up. Have faith. Good may be around the next corner. 

Thank You, God, for being here with me, and for reminding me of that very thing. Thank you for the beginnings of restoration. May this be the part of the Book of Job where all is restored and more. Guide me, lead me, help me walk in Your Way always. Thank You is a pale word for what I am feeling. You know my heart and know the joy and rejoicing going on in me. I seal this with the ancient seal of integrity and faith, Amen, Amen, and Amen

The Insights Pile Up

Labor assures not only individual survival, but the life of the species. Work and its product, the human artifact, bestow a measure of permanence and durability upon the futility of mortal life and the fleeting character of human time. Action, in so far as it engages in founding and preserving political bodies, creates the condition for remembrance, that is, for history. - Hannah Arendt, The Human Condition

 I heard someone on YouTube mention this book. It sounded fascinating,  so I downloaded a sample. This morning I came to the above quote  it struck me as if lightening. 

It spoke to me of apiece of the puzzle that nuzzled me on the edges, but that had not been fully seen. I was upset about the treasures of my life being on their own, without their stories, without their meaning, in the hands of strangers.  This morning it all came together -  HE STOLE MY HISTORY!

The things I had told the story of my life, of my family's life. The artifacts were living history. People often said that being in my home was like being in a museum.  He threw it away by not paying storage, but weaving a web of lies and vowing to the end all fees were paid. He threw it away by somehow stealing my house payment, so getting it foreclosed, and weaving a web of lies, so that I didn't find out until a few weeks ago. He took my money and lied lied lied. He threw everything of value to me on a trash heap. 

He threw my life away with no remorse. 

So now, with my history gone, I begin again. 

God,  glorious and  eternal, also my companion, my guide, show me the highest way for me to walk the remaining portion of earth life that You grant me. Lead me, lift me, restore me. Fill this hole in my heart with Your Light. Help me release the past to You. Grant me strength and courage to move forward. I am so incredibly thankful that I know You are always with me. 

The Game of Life

 No matter the religion or denomination in which we are raised, our spirituality still comes through the first filter of our own life experience. 

—Richard Rohr 

And, I might add, how we interpret it; how we represent it to ourselves. In other words, our self-talk. 

This morning, I had a vision of the arc of my life, and one of my filters installed in me deeply early in my life. It has been a split underlying premise - one for others, one for my relationship with my self. It goes something like this - 1.) You are a bother; your feelings are irrelevant to me; you matter only insofar as you are useful to me. 2) I matter to me, I can keep going no matter what, God loves me. So, I didn't let the monsters of my life stop me. I kept on going, sometimes with great sorrow, but nevertheless, I kept on going.

The vision I saw this morning was very different from my usual visions. I saw a sort of video game or maybe a video pinball machine. Flippers sprang up to obstruct me, and I twisted and turned to avoid them or at least only get a minor hit. The flippers didn't care about me, they just did what flippers do. I happened to come upon them, and they sprang into action. I kept going past flipper after flipper. My path was a moving obstacle course.

Ever since birth, I have been under attack, so I somehow created an inner and outer strategy for my life. Another betrayer/attacker, veer to the side, keep going. Inside, I was comfortable with who I am, and I had a direct relationship with God to guide and sustain me.

So this whole thing with my deceased husband was the pièce de résistance, the attack/betrayal of monstrous proportions. Is it the final blow? Is this part of the game of my life complete? Maybe. I do hear the message, "The past is done," as in it's a wrap. 

It's been an interesting game, this life of mine. I've never understood boredom. I know it's all about developing my soul. I know I can only honestly answer the questions on the other side... Did I walk as I was called? Was I faithful? Was I able to be kind and tender no excuses? Did I love, forgive, show generosity? Not perfectly, but mostly, always striving that way. God knows my heart, but I know I have to answer the questions over there anyway. 

Plato, Socrates, and Critias

 I am enjoying rereading Plato.  I needed mind exercise to help me climb out of shock, maybe even PTSD. I just read a dialogue between Socrates and Critias basically on temperance, wisdom, and science.

It is fascinating mental gymnastics.  And I was drawn to muse over how few people of whom I am aware engage in such mental exercise and discussion nowadays. Most conversations I hear are about mundane things, other people, hurt feelings, business, etc. It seems, if people engage in discussion about ideas, it is mostly adversarial and not in pursuit if that illusive thing called truth.

I see shouting,  name calling, the Marxist thing called cancelling, shunning, falsehood to try to win an argument, and a lot of childish behavior. Maybe we should encourage the spread of debate societies and debate groups in schools with the rules they have always used. Each person is given a side to present and stand for, even if it's not their personal stand. It's sort of like walking in the other shoes to come to understand. Its eye and heart opening.

I ask, is civil, deep, searching, meaningful, respectful conversation gone from our "modern" world?  Can we bring it back? I yearn for it. Can we even maintain high civilization without it?

I often think of my Dad. One of his sayings to me was, "You can disagree without being disagreeable."

It's All About Now

 This morning I awoke with insights flooding my thoughts. One of the flows is about that illusive concept of the now. As many have said, including me, now is all we have, the only moment we can live and breathe and tnink and learn and love and be. The past is written and gone. The future is only there in our imaginations. This moment is it. 

All else is temporary blips in so many ways. I've been mourning all of my treasres stolen from me by my duplicitous husband. But it was all on temporary loan. When I leave the planet it all stays here. I've mourned my things out and about the planet without their stories. Now they are just interesting things adrift from their meaning. 

For examole - The painting I did in a fit of inspiration after my previous husband died; the painting that was about souls going back and forth from the spiritual realm to here; the painting that I later discovered was also a vision to Suzuki so that his description of his vision was as if he were looking at my painting; yes that painting is now just a pretty yellow painting sonewhere without me and without its meaning. Everything I had also had a story. I grieve for that.

 And then I saw my many family antiques. I knew a tiny bit about their stories. The little rocking chair my grandfather bought my mother when she was born, or the hand made braclet my other grandfather had made for my grandmother with their initials on either side, their pictures inside,  and the dent from my father's first tooth on the heart, etc.  

But each item had a rich story to the people who first had them in their lives, stories now lost. In fact, the vast, vast majority of the stories of people now gone are lost, even their very existence, except for a tiny few of the billions upon billions who have graced this planet, are unknown. Nobody even knows they were here, let alone their joys and sorrows, their accomplishments and failures. 

I realized this morning that my things, everyone's things, were always going to go without the story about them, for we were always going to leave this planet one day. Our very existence will be forgotten somewhere in the passing of time.

Yet I also saw that all we do is important, and we will be asked about it all, when we drop our bodies and our souls go forth.  We will not be asked about our things. We will be asked about our soul development and participation. Did we love? Did we forgive? Were we generoius? What did we do with the gift of life?

So we come full circle back to the now. Each moment of now we have some control over, at least over our input into it. Each moment we can choose love over hate or judgementalness. Each now we can choose forgiveness over resentment. Each moment we can choose generosity over selfishness or stinginess, Just as we can only breathe in this moment for this moment (we cannot breathe for any other time), we can choose to be lights, to shine our Christ nature, to be more than we knew we could be, now and then now and then the next now. We can take charge of who we are one moment at a time.

I know that is what really matters. I know that is what we will be asked about. I know each and every person is a sacred life, and is called to live each sacred moment in the highest and most lght-filled way possible. Life on earth is both a challenge and a gift. Life on earth is a school to develop our spiritual muscle, so to speak, and to rise up and be the light. I urge you to turn your light on the bright setting.

A Thought from Socrates

... a man who is good for anything ought not to calculate the chance of living or dying; he ought only to consider whether in doing anything he is doing right or wrong — acting the part of a good man [woman] or of a bad. -- Socrates during his trial

He wrapped up ideal human behavior in these few words, words that travel across the many centuries to us today and to countless others along the way.

 He places it in our hands to judge ourselves, to examine our choices moment by moment. 

As I look around, I sadly see a significant number of people who do not ask this of themselves. Or it seems highly unlikely they do by the results in their lives and the prob!ems we see and hear about daily.

To use Shakespeare's metaphor, all the world is a stage, we ask Socrates' question - what part are we playing? Are we playing a good part or a bad part? Are we a hero or a villain? Are we a bystander? Do we show courage and faith? 

Ask yourself Socrates' question, and answer honestly.

Inner Heart's Experience of God

 No man knoweth the Father but the Son." The passage as it stands reported in Matthew may be colored by later theology, but there is a nucleus of absolute truth hidden in the saying. There is no other way to know God but this way of inner love-experience. Only a son can know a Father. Only one who has trodden the wine-press in anguish and pain, and through it all has felt the enfolding love of an Abba-father really knows. Mysticism has its pitfalls and its limitations, but this much is sound and true, that the way to know God is to have inner heart's experience of Him, like the experience of the Son. --- Rufus Jones, "The Inner Life"

For me, the moments of direct experience of God are the true treasures of my life. Knowing we are loved, knowing that if we listen we will be guided, knowing we are not alone, all these and more make all of the difference.

As you know, I have trodden the wine press of anguish for a month and a half now, as well as other times in my past. Through it all, God has been with me, protecting me and keeping me from free falling into a deep hole, and whispering softly to me. Perhaps the anguish is burning away more dross, so my soul will be freer to express. 

I know there is more for me to do here on earth. At this moment it is not clear to me exactly what that is. That is fine, for I have some healing to do, some reassembling the shards of my heart and mind. There is still disorientation. It is softening. I know I will come out of this potholed valley and be stronger and clearer. As a mentor long ago told me, a knife has to be tempered in the fire be able to be a useful tool, and you must be tempered by the fires of life in order to be a more useful tool in the Hand of God.

You too may have gone through anguish. I pray you hear what I share from my heart to yours. 

God bless you dear spiritual friend.

The Naked Now

 In pondering the state of my life now, I had some insights this morning I want to share with you.

Spiritual advice has long been to live in the now, the only moment we actually have, the only moment we can breathe, the only moment we have to live. 

Gilbert has inadvertently given me that gift. He has stripped away from me my past and all of the mementos of it. He has caused me to change my views of the past, redefining and releasing. He has stripped me of my dreams for the future. None of the ones we dreamed together are possible now. It is all drifting away from me. Vivid memories and dreams are fading.

So I now stand in the naked now. I stand with no past and no future so to speak. Here in this unique moment in time, stripped of what was and what could have been, I am just here.

So now I come to God unencumbered, as I say, Take my hand Precious Lord, lead me on as You would. Thy will be done. Amen, Amen and Amen!

What Have We Created?

 The "modern" age has done a number of things, especially to the mindset of people and to our ways of living.

We moved off farms and ranches in large numbers to live in asphalt and concrete jungles. Many people have never wandered among the trees, or dangled their feet in a creek, or had any meaningful experience of nature.

We moved from being artisans and conservers of lovely things to being consumers.

We moved into the fallacy of science that says we are in control and can do and be whatever we want. Many no longer believed in God or in the power of nature, but in our own powers, at least the powers of the technology people. We moved into hubris. We can change the climate. We can move off the planet. We can change our sexes, We can do whatever we want. The only limits are ones we put on ourselves.

Without religion, philosophy, and wisdom, we created a dystopia. We have a large number of people on drugs to change their mental state, to numb themselves or kill themselves. We have a frenzy to shop and shop, to get and get. We have disconnected from the wisdom of the ages, and are in many ways adrift in less than meaningful lives.

It seems to me we need to think through what we have done. Is it a good thing for us, for others? What can we do about it? As humans, we have the potential in every moment to think again, start again, begin again, change direction, be more.

I believe firmly that the spark of the Divine resides in each person. Let us water it. Walk in nature. Read wise ones. Think, consider, debate with yourself. Think some more. This day has not been liv ed before, make it a great one.

Resonate With What?

 It seems to me that what we are called to be in resonance with is the Higher Power/God/Divine Presence. It rings throughout the universe with the Call.

How do we move in relationship to The More so that we resonate in harmony with It?

The secret word is "Love." The great traditions all speak of "Love." We wash away all darkness, reentments, ill will, angers, attacks, dividing into "in" or "out" groups, etc. We become walking, talking, beingness of LOVE. We Love because that is who we are. Our Love is not contingent on anything outside. That is, it is not dependent on how others act or speak. It as much a part of us as breathing itself. It is who we are, what we do.

The closer we get to this aspirational goal, the more we resonate with The One. The farther we are away, the less we resonate. We can get so far away, there is only tiny resonance and a flatness, a life only drearily lived, not even approaching the Divine Purpose for coming here.

If our goal is actually spiritual awakening, I suggest we clean off the darkness and move more and more each day into  love, then Love, and then  LOVE!

New Reality

 Over the course of our earthly lives, we shift realities numerous times.  We were once inhabitants of a liquid world in a womb with sounds muffled and limited light. We were once totally dependent little beings, needing the giants around us to do everything for us. We once had no language but crying and waving our limbs. We gained language little by little, and mobility, and our world became bigger. We went to school, and its new batches of reality opened to us. On and on we went, moving from a more limited reality to a bigger one, repeatedly. 

Mostly our reality shifts were somewhat gradual. We had choices. We could embrace them, resist them, run from them, try to change them. We could be adventurous, angry, happy, sad about it all.

I stand at a new place for me. I have an abrupt reality shift of unusual proportions. 

Reality 1: Up until April 9. 2025, 9 a.m., Married to my soulmate who loved me, facing challenges together, trusting our oneness, both filled with Christian faith, who sadly became terminally ill and died of it, organ failure, and a massive heart attack. 

Reality 2: Beginning April 9, 2025, 9:30 a.m., Married to a psychopathic con man who had no feelings or remorse, who stole all of my treasures, money, inheritance, never loved me or anyone, was not spiritual, and died a horrible death.

I seem to have psychological whiplash. 

I have been informed by a retired police officer friend that this is not all that uncommon. So I share so that you know you are not alone. Others have the same climb back to wholeness as I do. Others have been bamboozled by a slick pro. Others have had their hearts, their dreams, their lives trampled. 

Reality will right itself. There will be peace again. Healing will happen. And a door will open to a new chapter. We will walk through that door a lot wiser and stronger. We fell, and yet we rise.

Ahha the Rabbit Hole

I was deceived, so to speak, by my left brain. I ignored my right brain. I focused on the bits and not the whole, on the logic and not the feelings. Or was it the other way? I focused on the feelings of supposed love, and I let him explain away the details in an intricate web of lies. I seem too close to it all right now for clarity.

That is part of the picture that is emerging as I climb back up out of the rabbit hole or holes. Days of disorientation are not my normal place.  I have felt like Alice down the rabbit hole briefly a few times, when earth shattering events occurred, but I quickly got my bearings. In this Gilbert shaped hole, there are holes within holes, drop, then drop some more. I scarcely catch my breath, and another drop hits. I think there can't be more, but then there is more. I pray I've reached the bottom now, and get my bearings and guidance as to how to proceed.

I feel almost like he is being erased from my mind. He is fading. I am being set free.  Now I turn to The Presence of All for guidance. What am I being called towards? 

Help me recognize Your calling to me. Help me brush aside distractions and stay focused upon You. Show me my remaining purpose for coming to earth, so that I can fulfill it and one day return at peace. 

Consider Paul

 I am grateful to N. T. Wright and his book on Paul. He has given me many ideas to ponder.

As usual, my thoughts then lead to other thoughts, maybe to places triggered in my own mind, but not explicitly in the book (or lecture or article).  So one strain of my thoughts went something like this: 

What would the world be like without Paul, if he hadn't gotten on fire with his message and instead just stayed  at home? Would the Jesus message have spread far and wide without Paul? If spread, would it have been a different message without Paul? Would we even know about Jesus without Paul?  

 We of course can never actually know the answers to these questions, but we can see how Paul's understanding and robust, confrontational teaching style stood out in contrast to the time. And, if the status quo had not been interrupted by this fiery orator and deep thinker, we can guess it would have been the same old same old for much longer.

Into the pagan culture, the culture of extreme hierarchy, of promiscuity, of infanticide, of brutality against all who dared to challenge how it was, of low literacy, etc- came a new way championed by Paul.

His passion fired his message that the new Temple was Jesus, a new day had begun, and it was time to start living into the Kingdom of God on earth. The idea of the family of the Messiah people extended what family had meant. His exclamation of no Jew or Gentile, free or slave, male or female brought new hope. Caring for the poor and sick, even strangers, was a new idea, including them as children of God. Teaching  reading to everyone interested so they could read the Torah (including women, children and slaves) spread literacy. His emphasis on loyality and faithfulness taught honesty and fidelity. Retelling the story of Abraham and on to Jesus, grafted people onto the story of an ancient people. His ideas precipitated things like hospitals, orphanages, codexes leading to books, and so much more.

So eliminate all that Paul taught and started. The hordes still would invade and smash Rome. Now their ways would take over. Civilization would move backward for some length of time. It is likely that some humans would be curious and discover this and that, and a new civilization of some sort would emerge. But it most certainly would be different.

Maybe Paul and his 7 authentic letters are at the top of the list of importance to humanity.

Hell?

 N.T. Wright said that Paradise is the holding place before the new creation. Heaven and hell are from Plato, and elaborated on by medievcal Christians.

We are made in the image of God, and our job is to be image bearers. We are to be mirrors of God to the world, and of praise to God. If we refuse to be image bearers, we may have an end after several chances. There are words of destruction elimination, perishing.

The New Testament speaks of heaven and earth, of heaven coming to earth at some point. Heaven and hell are not equal and opposite.

Bart Erhman said that in the Old Testament, the point of view is God gifted us with life, and then after this life we cease to exist. God  breathed life into us, and when we stop breathing, we cease to exist. Later, there was some discussion of shoel, a shadowy place where one just exists. They didn't have the concept of a soul separate from tbe body, as that was an idea of the Greeks. about 200 years before Jesus. 

Jesus seemed to believe that the Kingdom of  God was soon to arrive on earth, at least in the earliest writings. He focused on prayers to God, good and pure behavior, and preparing ourselves for the influx of The Kingdom of God, in other words, to live here and now as a Kingdom person.

In fact, I think that is timeless advice. Otherwise  we create hell here on earth for ourselves.

It is Resurrection Celebration Weekend

A brief thought came to me this morning.

If you say you don't believe in resurrection, you rule out so much.

It means you don't believe in

• Springtime
• Butterflies
• Frogs
• Seeds
• Redemption
• Any kind of transformation
• The example of Christ Jesus.

As you know, I await some sort of resurrection in my life, as I walk out of this current agony. And I know it will come. I do not know its contours or details at this very  moment, but I know and see examples of resurrection all around me. I know a bit about how God works. With this as my shield, I walk on in faith.

Walk with me this Easter weekend and on into the yet uncreated future.

Working Through Betrayal

 A quote from Paul helped me this morning:

We are under all kinds of pressure, but we are not crushed completely; we are at a loss, but not at our wits’ end; we are persecuted, but not abandoned; we are cast down, but not destroyed.

As the story of the betrayal by my husband unfolds, the extent of it and the breadth of it are breathtaking. The subterfuge he assembled is stunning, the workings of an evil mind, a man without a conscience.

So he took everything. Now what?

As the numbness cracks, new emotions for me drip out. I have to go through this. I refuse to be crushed for the rest of my life. I have to rise from the rubble.

He took things, some irreplaceable. What is left? My faith. My God. My family, My friends. My church. My talents. And more. I still have the most important things. 

Now I dismiss him, his devious and cruel behavior hidden behind a veil of pretend love. I brush him off of my life. I encourage the hurt to heal. It will take a bit of time. I don't expect instantaneous healing. 

But when I began to find the trail of his deceit, my grief for him was gone, instantly gone. It shifted to what he took, not only my money, but the treasures I had collected from my travels, photos from my life, a lifetime of journals, manuscripts of partially finished books, paintings I did, antiques from my family, so many things that had meaning to me. Gone.

I don't do bitter. I don't intend to dwell on the past. As I heard clearly last Wednesday, "The past is done." Yet I do have to walk through the valley of pain and betrayal, not sit down and stay a minute longer than necessary, but to get on with it.

Then I know God will guide me to what I am to do with the rest of my life.

You, my spiritual friends, if you too have a valley, gather up your faith and courage and walk on through and out. There is more on the other side of the valley, I am certain of that.

Divine Presence, my Guide, my Companion, I have known You all of my life. I know You are with me, with us all. I know Your Light is within. I know we are one.

Lead me out of this valley with grace and faith. Help me keep the eye of my life on You. 

I know there is more to do. Open the door I am to walk through, so that I may serve as You would have me serve.

I release Gilbert to You, and let go. Cut all ties to him, and protect me from any further harm.

I am thankful to be in Your care and keeping all the days of my life.  I am thankful You are leading me still.

I release this all to You, in the name of Christ, sealed with the ancient seal of faith, Amen, Amen, and Amen.

Living the Bible Stories

 Through the past week I have walked with tears and prayers, facing death, betrayal and a web of lies. There have been moments of Spirit speaking to me, and therefore amazing insights have been gifted to me.

I am led to share a sketch of all of this at this time.

As Pastor Drew spoke of Easter week yesterday, when he said "Judas," tears started flowing down my face. A light of understanding swept me. I had married Judas, the trusted treasurer, the betrayer. 

One day last week, upon awakening, I heard the words "The past is done." That day I discovered all of my treasures were gone, auctioned off for nonpayment of storage in 2022. My grief shifted at once. Then a whole thread of deceit and lies and betrayal began to unravel.

I have often said over the past years I have been living the book of Job. So I knew I was living that story. I have endeavored to follow Jesus and his teachings since early childhood, to become as like him as humanly possible, and so live the Christ story..

Then I realized the meassage "The past is done," also contained the message to Lot and family, "Don't look back."

So there was Judas with betrayal, leading to agony on the cross, leading to resurrection. I'm in the process of agony, moving toward resurrection of some sort. The agony includes disorientation. The man I loved never existed, and who did exist was a villain who I did not meet until after his death..

I look forward to finding what this will lead to. I pray I can still be useful to those on the spiritual path and to those considering it, and those who run from it. 

God is lifting me right now. May God lift you this day and all days.

Gilbert's Memorial Service

 His service has been postponed due to extenuating circumstances.

He's Gone

 Early this morning my beloved Gilbert passed on. 

He took part of my heart with him. I shall miss him so much that no words can suffice to describe it.

My beloved is soaring in a new life. I remain here weeping.

I will find a way to go forward, but not today.

I See It and Cannot Stop It

 It is a disturbing and also a fascinating  time in my life. The disaster has  been coming in slow motion, a million cuts tearing apart my life.

July 30 my husband, my soulmate, had a stroke. August 2nd he had a pain in his side, a CT scan, and then the diagnosis of stage 4 peritoneal and appendix cancer, a cancer only comprising 1% of the cancers. 

Slowly he  became more and more fatigued. Slowly he ate less and less. Slowly he stopped doing things like driving, going to church, cooking his own breakfast.

Then the ascites began building up in his abdomen. 6.5 liters every 10 days to 2 weeks getting drained. A week ago they weighed him going in and out. He went in weighing 171 pounds, and a little over an hour later, after 6.5 liters were drained, he weighed 157 pounds.

Then a week and a half ago he stopped taking a shower, and he shifted to spong baths. He stopped shaving. He began to sleep more. He stayed in his night clothes and bathrobe all day.

Yet he insists he is being healed. He refuses hospice.

I think part of his deterioration is on the insurance. All the research I've been able to do says for what he has, HIPAC is the standard of treatment. I think he should have been given this option last August, while he was still stronger. I think at present, he could not survive a 10 to 12 hour surgery.

So I see the end of our 38 years together approaching. I am tearful. He is my rock, my cheer leader, my best friend. I love him with all of my heart.

I may not know you personally, but you read my thoughts, and so you are my spiritual friend. I have a request of you. Please pray for us. 

A New Understanding of the Eucharist

 This morning  I was reading a book that pointed out the traditional Eucharist, saying it's a mystery that cannot be logically explained. Something in me shouted out BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE!!! Wow. I will share what came to me.

If we look deeply at any natural thing it will lead us into the mystery in whatever direction we go - bread and wine for example. Each has a story that leads into the Mystery.

Look deeply at a piece of bread. You will see the wheat growing in the field. You will see the rain watering it with water coming from the lakes and streams  and oceans of the world evaporating up to the clouds. You will see the rays of  sunlight warming the growing wheat and activating photosynthesis. You will see the wheat take in carbon from the air and give off oxygen. You will see our orbit around the sun, the seasons created by spin and tilt. You will see our solar system, the Milky Way and the vast universe of which our bread is a part. 

You can see the roots drawing up nutrients from the top soil created over the centuries. You can see the farmer, the harvest, the mill turning it into flour. You can see the trees that make the paper for the bag to carry the flour to your kitchen.

You can see how the bread in your hand connects you to everything, and then to The Creator. You can see the story of the grape too, actually the story of everything can lead us into The Mystery.

So take the bread and wine and remember how they Connect you to the entire web of all that is.  Remember they Connect you ultimately to The Creator

Remember you too are part of it all. Everything is sacred. Let your next Eucharist be a true sacred experience of Oneness.

Messiah People

 Two thousand years ago Paul and Barnabas spent a year in Antioch teaching the new community, Christianoi said Luke in Acts. That was most likely a nickname, as Christian was not used for several generations. N. T. Wright wrote that it might even have meant something like Jesus freaks when spoken by the general population.

At any rate, it was a completely new kind of community, a never before community, a never before even thought of community. Think of Paul's statenment in Galations:  

Thereis neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

All people, across all strata of society, across all divides, all people of every kind are one in Christ according to this new idea that poured forth out of Paul's mind and his dramatic awakening. It was shocking to almost everyone of the day, but it grew and grew.

How did we get so far away from that? In not too long a time, lines were redrawn. There were limits. There were rules made up by men. There were no open and welcoming places for everyone once again. Women were demoted to be possessi0ns.Those named "other" could be treated with rejection and violence. And the great dream of the kingdom of heaven coming to earth faded far away. In fact, for many it shifted to a place after death for those who did and believed whatever the current theology decreed. The excitement and joy of these early Christianoi seemed naive. 

BUT I have long had a vision that it would be possible for us humans to create a heaven on earth. It would require a shift in consciousness, but it is really not impossible.

Shift to see all as sacred beings - all people, all animals, all plant life, the entire planet. Treat it all by thought. word, and deed as precious and sacred. Make our lives a sacrament, so that whtever we do or think or say is a testament to the Divine Presence and our part in It.

When we see evil, we help those bent (per C. S. Lewis) people to be healed, to be set free to the goodness imprisoned within. We encourage and help to create healthy, nurturing environments so people don't get bent in the first place.

We set our aim high. Even though it is aspirational, it shows us where to aim. If more and more of us try. things can and will move in the higher direction.

We're going to be here for awhile, so why not use whatever time each of us have left to aim high?

Enter the Flow

 I've been pondering how incredible it is, when we enter the flow of God. I've often said that there have been times in my life that I experienced being in God's jet stream. How do we get there? We can't force it to happen. What we can do is prepare ourselves. I think of Jesus saying no one knows the hour, and that relates to so many things.

What to do? Prepare our hearts and minds. As a pianist practices and practises to attain a high skill level, so too we on the spiritual path  need to practice. Still our minds, pray everyday, and pray without ceasing - for example thank God for the beauty you see as you walk or drive around. Disengage from the upsetting news, politics, cultural fights, etc. on a regular basis, so that we are not consumed and enraged by outer things constantly,  things that serve as a distraction from our spiritual goal.

Some people recommend, what has for some reason come to be called the Jesus prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”  I prefer to affirm rather than reinforce the negative. So, another prayer came to me this morning:

            God of all

I open to you

Fill me with Your Grace

Guide me in all ways 

Say this slowly, calmly, repeating it for a few minutes several times a day. Let Peace fill you. Let your mind be still. Let it come to mind during the day. Let yourself become more and more in tune with the Infinite, even as you walk your busy life.

 

Would You Jump Off A Cliff?

 I can still hear my mother: "If everyone was jumping off a cliff, would you just follow and jump?"

Perhaps we humans are jumping off a cliff together. With the majority of people now having internet access, and putting private information on it for the world to see, relying on it for information, and AI growing so that people have virtual friends and "love" pseudo relationships, etc. etc. etc. --- we may be jumping into huge problems together, jumping off the cliff of humanity. 

AI is obviously not fully developed yet, but it is quite convincing to many. There are little things that are amiss. For example I Googled something about 1st century Galilee. and the AI summary said it was a wealthy area - but in my studies, I know it was primarily poor peasants with literacy at perhaps 1%.

I read about a wide range of disturbing things happening via our new godlike entity, the internet. I read about not only false information,  but also such things as children  being groomed by preditors and addicted to porn; about people falling in love with their AI companion, even proposing marriage to it; about children being talked into gender dysphoria; about people being turned into terrorists; about Christianity and Judaism being subverted; about people being convinced they have entities inhabiting them or that they are animals; on and on and on go ideas and behaviors not long  thought of as psychiatric problems.

It seens crucial to me that we become aware. Use critical thinking (evaluate, hypothesize, examine, look for motivation of what you see or hear or read, make tentative conclusions, etc), notice cognitive disonance (there is tension as two or more things don't make sense together), challenge every idea we encounter, at least ideas not part of our great heritage, bearing the test of time and experience. Everything needs to be examined against what we know to be true.

At the same time, develop our inner core. Develop our relationship with God. Find a church or synagogue and participate. Spend time in nature. Spend time with real people and real conversations. Read classics. Learn or increase our abilities in a hobby or two. Spend less and less time surfing the web.

And, pray, forgive, meditate, contemplate.

All can be well with us and with humanity.