My last couple of years have been tests of my soul. There has been one thing, then another, then three more. On and on it goes. It's mostly "big" stuff too. Some of it quite bizarre, almost unbelievable, except I'm living in it, so I know it really is happening. So often when someone asks how I am, I answer by saying something like "still vertical."
So yes, I'm vertical, above ground, trudging through it, walking in faith. God and I are still on speaking terms.
But I must confess, I do notice that I am somewhat threadbare. I am a bit sharp around the edges sometimes. My pattern has been to go numb as possible to survive dire times, and then just keep on keeping on and appear as cheerful as possible not to burden others. I had a lot of experience in this in my childhood. Well in a high percentage of my lifetime so far actually.
Only a few know any of the details, just a tiny bit really. My close friends and relatives don't know what to make of the dilemmas I am in, so they pull back a bit. I think that some of them don't believe it.
Some of the torments promise to end, but then they don't. We're given dates of this one or that one ending, but it doesn't. It goes on, and has for a couple of years.
I know that God is enfolding me in something very special and my spiritual musculature is getting stronger and stronger. I know there is some sort of a divine purpose in all this torture. All I have to do is keep vertical until it is over. I/we have some exciting plans of the good we can do on the other side of this valley.
Maybe this is the week, and we can move up and out and onto the rest of our lives. Lord, let it be so.