Many decades ago I came to realize that Infinite Intelligence would not, could not, be offended by my questions or by me seeking higher understanding.
When I was a freshman in college, I read books that made it clear to me that men had made up religion, and their understandings were flawed not only because of their incomplete knowledge, at times also because of control and power issues, but also in many cases they were simply parroting what had been said by others with no critical analysis whatsoever. I realized this was further complicated by translation problems and the inability to understand cultures and ways of those long ago people about whom the stories are told. This is not to disparage those scattered mystical Lights that pop up in the flow of time. The mystics were filled with gnosis and left us hints of the paths to explore. I have been given immeasurable aid by many such as: Hildebrand von Bingen, Meister Eckhart, Jacob Boehm, Brother Lawrence, Mechtild of Magdeburg, Julian of Norwich and many more. And I've been assisted by early ones like Lao Tse, later ones like Thomas Kelly, scholars like Crossan, Borg, Fox, Rohr and hundreds of great and challenging thinkers.
My quest has led me to a rather Gnostic place. I want to know God, not just what others have said about God. I walk a path that is more about interiority than it is about the exterior. And I endeavor to urge others to the gnosis of all things spiritual.
It came to my attention yesterday that it makes a newer person to this path a bit queasy. All the surities are no longer sure. The solid beliefs are just beliefs. The search to know, to know inside and personally is exciting, yet it comes with a tinge of fear. Once begun, the quest will not be ignored. It calls us in profound ways.
I urge you to seek onward, courageous in your quaking heart, yet dedicated to KNOWING. I can promise you it is worth it. Bless you dear friend.