These are truly times to try our souls, at least mine. It seems that on many fronts life is pushing and pulling. There are the world and national tugs. There are personal tugs. There is a part of me that is observing and fascinated. There is also a part of me that is concerned. Yes, I know that technically I cannot be divided in parts, but I do have internal facets that take turns on being the prism through which I view the dance of life.
The world tugs at so many of us. Rumors of war in Korea and Iran, wars going on now, genocides reported, incredible torture of women, hunger, famine, orphans and on and on. It seems it has always been so on earth in one form or another. Is there a way to bring the kingdom of heaven to earth? I have believed that it is possible, but now I wonder. Perhaps this planet is a place for us to learn certain things, and the strife is part of our curriculum. Help me understand dear Lord.
Our nation and state tug at us also. So many trends away from our historic ways bring fear to the hearts of many. Our freedoms so precious, yet perhaps also so in jeopardy. God, I know You inspired our founders to create a new way to be a nation. Inspire us today with the vision You have for our nation.
Close to home I have tugs from those about whom I care. For example, a couple of weeks ago the husband of a friend was murdered, shot to death in front of her while she was duct taped. He was a lovely man, gracious and kind. It was right here in our "safe" valley. Then far away milewise, but close to my heart, a couple I have loved for a very long time is having serious problems. It was discovered that he, a supposed spiritual person, is extremely addicted to porn. Of all people on earth, I would not have thought this of him.
I give thanks for forgiveness, repentance and redemption, and of course for God's constant Love. I know there is a way "home" to spiritual wholeness even in the most dire of circumstances. I also know there is often pain along that route that has to be walked in order to get to the other side of it.
On the positive side, my dear son thinks he has found his mate. He is sure she is "the one!" I have been praying for all doors to open if this is true and to close if this is not true. I want so much for my son to love and to be loved, to know what it is like to be loved by a woman other than family. I also really, really don't want him to have yet another broken heart. He is a grown man, and at the same time he will always be my son, my dear little bundle of joy of long ago. My mother's heart wants to wrap him in safety.
Another tug is my upcoming trip, one more time to Russia. 19 years ago it began. I suspect this may be the last one. I'm not as strong physically as I'd like. I want to see and hug and be with my friends there at least one more time. I want to share spiritual thoughts and experiences at least one more time. The book, "Our Spiritual Ancestors Speak to Us Today, Especially About Love," is within minutes of being done. We'll be doing an introductory workshop here in July to try out some exercises and check out the materials. Yet, people who were going with me seem to be either unsure, unwell or unable. I prefer to have a companion from here. I've gone alone before, so I know I can do that. It is a richer and more enjoyable experience for me to have an American friend with me to share it all and to be able to speak with. On the other hand, it is better to go alone than to have the wrong person with me, which I've had in the past. Yes, I've had people who were spoiled and whiny and not okay with changes that always seem to spring up over there. I've had immoral people who posed as spiritual people, but really wanted a sensual trip with beautiful Russians. I've had people who actually went to sabotage our work over there for ego reasons or maybe other reasons.
God, I know that it has always been You calling me to Russia. You have been with me each step of the way, through the hills and valleys. I prepare to go at least one more time. As always, I need Your help. God please send me someone who would be a good, congenial, helpful, spiritual, & noble companion for this trip. Please deflect all others. Guide me in preparation to put together the workshops You want me to lead. Show me what You want of me, and help me to do just that. Help me bring the Spiritual Ancestors You led me to choose to life for all who attend. And, dear God, bring to me the money I need to be able to do this at least this one more time. And, there is in my heart that at least some of my books should be published in English. If it is Your will, open that door for the words You have inspired through me. I give thanks to know that You are always with me and therefore hear these words. I release this prayer to You. Your will be done. Amen.