This week-end I finished a book I call "my doctor's office book," as I usually keep it in the car to take in to read while I'm waiting. I got 2/3 or so through it & wanted very much to see what happened, so I brought it into the house.
Anyway, one of the thoughts shared in the book was that children are preoccupied & unaware often of what is going on in the lives of their parents, so their view of parents is from a limited perspective. They only know that something is out of whack & they're not getting all they want/need, etc. They make judgements from this vantage.
So, I think back to my conclusions about my own parents. In later life, learning some things about their childhoods, softened my hurts about what they did or didn't do to/for me. But I was not privy to their own personal struggles with each other, work, life in general, etc. I now suspect some things that were going on, but cannot be certain. My suspicions though help me release some hurts that were created in my heart by assuming I was not loved & wanted for the most part.
Then my thoughts turn to my own dear children. My love for them has never wavered. My ability to care at the highest level for them did waver at times due to the overwhelm of things happening in my life. Although, I always did the best I could in every moment, I did not do the best I could have if things would have been different for me. It seems to me that I have been given a huge portion of extreme life lessons to learn - at least more than most of the people I know. I often struggled to learn, failed, fell down, eventually picking myself up, learning & moving forward. In the throes of the agony of some of the times in my life, not all of me was available for others.
My children do not know what I was going through for the most part. To this day I've not shared most of the horrors. They have each made up their own version of who mother was/is from their own assumptions. I am such a different mother through the eyes of my son and my daughter. You'd think they did not have the same mother. It is very interesting.
Now their children carry this on, not knowing the inner lives of their parents; assuming this & that & creating their own versions of their parents.
Under it all is the development of each soul. I believe we are sent to earth to learn certain lessons that are unique to this planet. Looking historically, we see the same lessons at all times & places -- learning to overcome the darkness & live in the light, forsaking fear for faith, hatred for love, etc.
Perhaps the hurt is our resistance of the lesson. I don't want to go through this, God! I don't want this lesson! But learn we must.
Lord, I give thanks for each moment of this life, for the difficult times & the glorious times. I know that each moment leads me to soul-strength. Each challenge gives me the chance to flex & use my spiritual muscles. Each valley is an opportunity to walk in faith. Each person is my teacher & I theirs. I release resistance. I open to You, Lord. Open my eyes to Your Light in each step of my life. Help me to learn the lessons You set before me, & help me to look back over my life to see the purpose & value of each moment. Your will be done, always.