It has been some time since I felt led to share here. My life has been in a strange stage of flux, some of it frozen and all of it downright odd.
As a person who has been effective at problem-solving, I find this new and (hopefully) temporary situation way outside of my wheelhouse. It is bigger than me, and seemingly beyond my reach. Since November of last year, nothing has been usual.
It seems bureaucracy rules in ways I had never imagined. The tentacles of reach are astounding. Once something enters the world of bureaucracy, even if illegally thrown into it, the unwinding of it is a maze beyond human comprehension.
Illegally targeted for illegal reasons, assured by the highest and best that this is so, yet the getting untangled seems nigh unto impossible.
I feel like Job in the Bible but in the nightmare of this modern era with its multitude of connections and secret links. Disillusionment comes at so many levels. What I believed about our government is gone. A retired person with no great wealth is not beneath their radar. Nothing is safe. I am not safe from their tentacles.
Lessons for my journey maybe: patience, overcoming of terror, rising up to be a warrior?
Today it occurs to me to cease the grieving of these months and to rise up to be a warrior. Warriors get knocked down, but get up. Warriors get wounded, but patch up and heal. Stiff upper lip and all that. They may appear at first glance to be bigger, but God is actually bigger - should I say Infinite!!!
I still don't know what to do. I do know that there is a way, somehow, and God knows what it is.
Show me God the way out of the corner the world has placed around us. Melt the frozen good that wants to come to us as much as we want it to come. Lead us out of the valley to the table You have prepared for us.