I am ready to move on.
My turning point has been coaxed by a diverticulitis attack. I think it was partially brought on by the grieving I've been doing for almost 2 years. I am ready to let go and move on. Or maybe today I could say it feels more like the whole thing released itself.
Some of my new day thoughts include:
- There are some things in life over which we have no control. Other people go off on their own tangential journeys. I cannot learn other people's lessons for them. I am doing well to learn my own lessons.
- In this case, one of the lessons of my life is that others do not have the right to abuse me. It was the norm for a long time. I just quietly went inside and dealt with it, for it was the way of life was for me. It is no longer my way of life. I withdraw permission from abusers to abuse me. All who have done so are jettisoned away from my life. I don't have to fight them, argue with them, convince them otherwise or allow them. They do not belong in my life any longer.
- The main person who has been in my life for a long period of time who has never abused me is my sweet husband. He is a great gift to me. He shows me so much.
- My peace of mind, my peace of life, my spiritual journey is not to be derailed by someone's off the rails choices.
- It is not appropriate to put off the rest of my life waiting for the return of others who are not coming, and if who did return, would bring more abuse. The healing required for abuse to be gone from their behaviors may take more than this lifetime. Sadly, some are filled with cruelty, paranoia, and anger. It is up to them and God and not to me to deal with that.
- Today has never before been lived. I will do my best to live it well. I will recall my "theme song" for my spiritual travels - Isaiah & the song "here I am Lord..."
Here am I, Lord. Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if you lead me. I will hold your people in my heart.