There are moments in life when our hearts feel like they just drop.
This week I had one of those moments.
My husband had a stroke on July 30. While in the hospital, he had a pain in his side, so they scanned it. They said he had appendix cancer, then they said peroteneum cancer. This week the surgeon put a camera in his abdomen, took biopsies, and put a chemo port in his shoulder. The surgeon said his abdomen is full of cancer, and it is likely that chemo could only give him a little more time. My heart dropped. My tears flowed. This Wednesday we go back and get the biopsy results and suggestions of what to do.
I know with surety that life continues beyond here. I know our bodies are sort of suits our souls wear so we can navigate earth and learn and get experience here. I know our bodies are made of earth and return to earth and our souls are divine and eternal. I know this not on second-hand information, but on my own personal life experience. So I am not afraid of the transition from life here to the next existence.
And, because I love my husband and have been blessed to be married for 37+ years, I want him well and healthy and to stay here with me. My selfish self shouts out, NO God, heal him, let him stay with me. My spiritual self softly counsels me, ask for his highest good, not yours. Tears well up, and my heart drops again.
Of course God is in charge, not me. We should all be thankful about that. Imagine if we ruled with all of our conflicting wants and desires. Chaos!
We had been rolling along, hopeful we would finally get our assets restored very soon, making plans for foundations and lifting others, making plans for our future. And then the stroke and then the cancer. My heart drops just writing it.
So, God, I surrender. I ask You to Guide us. I ask You to bring forth the Highest Good for us, even if we don't understand, even if You don't want to explain. I let my fallen heart fall into Your care and keeping.So be it.
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