As some of you know, these past couple of years, up until and including today, has been a time of mega-challenge.It has been my quest to not allow it to change who I am, to make me bitter, resentful, angry, etc. I relate quite closely with Job in the Old Testament. Almost everything has been stripped away, none of it due to anything I did, but due to a strange combination of people, Acts, Agencies and secrecy.
In my case, different from Job, all still exists, it is simply frozen, not accessible to me. There seems to be an element of torture in that the word comes that all is to be released, then nothing happens. There doesn't seem to be anything I can do, say, think, or be to make the powers that be get out of my life.
Some of it is related to things I am not able to speak of. We have gotten Congressmen, Inspector Generals and other high mukymuks involved, but here we are still frozen. Any moment it is supposed to be over. We are told it has moved forward, and almost done. One last thing.
I can taste it. I know how it will feel. All of my life returned. I miss my dishes. I miss my savings account. I miss the freedom I once had. My heart does ache for "it" to be over and restoration the light of the day.
In the meantime, God and I have a lot of conversations. I keep working on creative projects. I participate as much as I can. And I eagerly await the moment when the freeze is over. So far I have been able to keep my faith, my sense of humor, my hope.
We all have challenges. We all have choices. We can become stronger and more faith-filled or become weak, victims living in fear, Daily I choose the former. I cannot lose myself. I cannot let "them" win. So, I keep on keeping on.
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