There are countless memories, of moments in my life, that live only in my mind. No one can know my private memories. They only have sway when I bring them to this moment. Most of the moments of my life, however, have dissolved into a sea of nothingness. I cannot remember every detail of every moment of all that I have lived over these many years. Yet, they do have meaning, sort of as a group, in that they have bent the trajectory of my life and participated in developing my consciousness.
I find myself drawn to Irenaeus ' idea of this earth as unfinished, imperfect, in order for those who come here to refine and develop their souls. What matters is not one tiny detail, but rather the overall spiritual growth of each of us.
I can look at my past as an observer rather than as an emotional ego. This or that happened. I interpreted it this or that way. Each is a piece of who I am today. I see patterns. Each time an instance of a pattern enters my life, I see my evolving self more and more able to respond spiritually, at least more and more often. I can see my growth and/or my need for more growth.
All the water under the bridge lifts me onward.